This was the song that God used to really speak to me this past Wednesday, with all that He had already been showing me about His call to all who will follow Him - to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to bring Hope to the hopeless, and to fight injustice.
It is not a human right
To stare, not fight
While broken nations dream
Open up our eyes so blind
That we might find
The Mercy for the need
Singing, Hey now
Fill our hearts with your compassion
Hey now
As we hold to our confession
Yeah
It is not too far a cry
To much to try
To help the least of these
Politics will not decide
If we should rise
And be your hands and feet
Singing, Hey now
Fill our hearts with your compassion
Hey Now
As we hold to our confession
Woah-oh-oh,
God be the solution
Woah-oh-oh
We will be Your hands and be Your feet.
Yeah, yeah
Higher than a circumstance
Your promise stands
Your love for all to see
Higher than protest line and dollar signs
Your love is all we need
Only You can mend the broken heart
And cause the blind to see
Erase complete the sinners past
And set the captives free
Only You can take the widows cry
And cause her heart to sing
Be a Father to the fatherless
Our Savior and our King
We will be Your hands, we will be Your feet
We will run this race for the least of these
On the darkest place, we will be Your light
We will be Your light
We will be Your hands , we will be Your feet
We will run this race for the least of these
In the darkest place, we will be your light
We will be your light
We'll sing
Woah-oh-oh,
God be the solution
Woah-oh-oh
We will be Your hands and be Your feet.
We will run we will run
We will run with the solution
Friday, May 29, 2009
Hillsong United Concert
Had the pleasure of going to the Hillsong United Concert in Alpharetta on Wednesday night. It was a very refreshing, worshipful evening! Loved being there with Jordan and worshiping together.
God has been talking to me lately about fruit, and how fruit comes from application of His Truth - faithfulness to do what He's called me to do, not just 'know' what He's called me to know. I'm recalling a morning when God revealed to me, via my life verse (Proverbs 3:5-6),
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
that when He talked about knowing or acknowledging, it's usually referring to an intimate knowledge - from a relationship, from experience, not head-knowledge or even a slight nod of our chin to signal that we're getting the idea. It's about the truth sinking into my heart, and then it has the ability to 'make my paths straight.'
And I have to ask myself the question, what am I doing with all that He has shown me and given me? Am I being faithful? Or am I just being 'thoughtful' - thinking and pondering and striving to gain understanding that can truly only come from stepping out and doing the thing that He's put before me. I am terribly analytical - really need to find a balance in that! God has been helping me with this, but there is definitely still a lot of that going on.
I wonder if trust ever involves analyzing? Because that is where I want to be...trusting...willing...able to say, as Mary did, "may it be to me as you have said." (Luke 1:38).
I've been slowly making my way through a book called "Having a Mary Spirit" by Joanna Weaver. It's been challenging me to really face how much I give into my flesh, into my feelings, and letting that dictate what I do or don't do...what I say or don't say. And to bring me back to the 'knowledge' - the intimate knowing in my heart - that I have the power of the Holy Spirit inside of me - the same power that raised Christ from the grave! There is no truthful reason why I should be letting a bad attitude and other trivial circumstances dictate my actions and words. I am praying that God will continue to show me how to access this power more and more.
But I know a piece of it is obedience - again, being willing to step out and put feet to my faith - to do what He's called me to do - being patient when I'd rather be frustrated, to be gentle when I'd rather yell, to forgive when I'm rather sulk and be offended, to pray when I'm scared instead of backing up, etc., etc. It's not able the 'big' stuff right now - about feeling led to go to Africa and being scared out of my mind as to what that would look like, or even being willing to stay in GA when I'd have rather been in FL with all my friends. Right now, it's about my ability to, through the Holy Spirit, to restrain myself, and let Jesus live His life through me, every day of my life. For people to stop seeing Jenny...and Jenny to stop worrying about making anything of herself, and people to start seeing Jesus.
There's a quote in this book, which made me laugh out loud and I totally agreed with -
she was talking about how God will give you direction or a glimpse of what He's up to, and she (and me) have a tendency to run ahead and insert our own method.
"When you run ahead of Me, you end up doing what I've asked you to do in your own strength rather than Mine. Instead of being cloaked in the sweetness of My Spirit, your efforts are cloaked in your flesh. And sometimes, my dear daughter, your flesh ain't that easy to receive."
Amen! I'm sure we've all experienced being on the other end of it - but I'm recognizing more and more how much I'm the issue as well.
Instead:
"I(God) delight in a heart that welcomes My work rather than resents it. A willing, teachable spirit is all I'm looking for. A life so surrendered to Me, I can do My work unhindered."
*emphasis added by me
Do I value, do we value, willingness enough? It's easy to admire talents and knowledge and strength...but what about just having a willingness to trust God enough in spite of our lack of whatever is needed to step out anyways, knowing that He is sufficient - and really it's Him doing the work in us regardless - if it's going to be of value. Can I get past my fear of what others will think and just follow Him, trusting Him with the results?
I thinks so often I read things about believers struggling with making something of themselves in a showy, 'look at me' way - and learning to really give God the glory and the front seat on things. But what about people like me, who would much rather be hidden in the crowd and not seen - what happens when God calls us to do something, to say something, that will draw attention to ourselves? Can we learn to trust Him and be obedient, to not worry what others will think of us, and just let Him use us as a vessel? That's what I struggle with...and I think deep down, it's the same core issue...just needing to keep our eyes on Jesus and be more concerned with pleasing Him than other people - whether we're trying to make a name for ourselves, or keeping our name hidden - because really, our name is His now. Our life is no longer our own, to build or stay hidden. We are to find that delightful balance in knowing our worth because we're children of God, but being more concerned about making sure people know Christ's worth!
Anyways, that was quite a tangent...this is what happens when I write without a clear purpose in mind!
another great quote from this book about Gladys Aylward - a missionary to China -
"Gladys once said, 'I wasn't God's first choice for what I've done for China...I don't know who it was...It must have been a man...a well-educated man. I don't know what happened. Perhaps he died. Perhaps he wasn't willing...And God looked down...and saw Gladys Aylward..And God said - 'Well, she's willing.'"
Kind of changes my perspective on willingness....
According to 1 Peter, God has equipped us for all that we need for life and godliness - all that He desires to accomplish in our lives - so, that means all we really have to ever be is willing...willing to be obedient, willing to surrender to His plans (not necessarily our own), willing to wait when we'd rather be making 'progress,' willing to be quiet when we want to be asking questions and making suggestions (which are really subtle dictations anyways), willing to just trust Him enough to let Him lead the way.
I guess that probably has my own little slant on it...maybe it's easy for you to be willing in these areas, but harder in others - regardless, I think it's pretty awesome that all we're responsible for is our willingness. And even that He gives us when we ask for it. We just have to be willing to apply it. :)
"Lord, create in me a clean heart, and renew a steadfast, willing spirit within me." Psalm 51:10
Fruit - the application of the Truth of God, through the power of the Holy Spirit, available for others to see and taste and get hungry for the things of God.
May we live fruitful lives that give people a taste of something they can't get enough of, and a craving to find what they're missing out on!
God has been talking to me lately about fruit, and how fruit comes from application of His Truth - faithfulness to do what He's called me to do, not just 'know' what He's called me to know. I'm recalling a morning when God revealed to me, via my life verse (Proverbs 3:5-6),
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
that when He talked about knowing or acknowledging, it's usually referring to an intimate knowledge - from a relationship, from experience, not head-knowledge or even a slight nod of our chin to signal that we're getting the idea. It's about the truth sinking into my heart, and then it has the ability to 'make my paths straight.'
And I have to ask myself the question, what am I doing with all that He has shown me and given me? Am I being faithful? Or am I just being 'thoughtful' - thinking and pondering and striving to gain understanding that can truly only come from stepping out and doing the thing that He's put before me. I am terribly analytical - really need to find a balance in that! God has been helping me with this, but there is definitely still a lot of that going on.
I wonder if trust ever involves analyzing? Because that is where I want to be...trusting...willing...able to say, as Mary did, "may it be to me as you have said." (Luke 1:38).
I've been slowly making my way through a book called "Having a Mary Spirit" by Joanna Weaver. It's been challenging me to really face how much I give into my flesh, into my feelings, and letting that dictate what I do or don't do...what I say or don't say. And to bring me back to the 'knowledge' - the intimate knowing in my heart - that I have the power of the Holy Spirit inside of me - the same power that raised Christ from the grave! There is no truthful reason why I should be letting a bad attitude and other trivial circumstances dictate my actions and words. I am praying that God will continue to show me how to access this power more and more.
But I know a piece of it is obedience - again, being willing to step out and put feet to my faith - to do what He's called me to do - being patient when I'd rather be frustrated, to be gentle when I'd rather yell, to forgive when I'm rather sulk and be offended, to pray when I'm scared instead of backing up, etc., etc. It's not able the 'big' stuff right now - about feeling led to go to Africa and being scared out of my mind as to what that would look like, or even being willing to stay in GA when I'd have rather been in FL with all my friends. Right now, it's about my ability to, through the Holy Spirit, to restrain myself, and let Jesus live His life through me, every day of my life. For people to stop seeing Jenny...and Jenny to stop worrying about making anything of herself, and people to start seeing Jesus.
There's a quote in this book, which made me laugh out loud and I totally agreed with -
she was talking about how God will give you direction or a glimpse of what He's up to, and she (and me) have a tendency to run ahead and insert our own method.
"When you run ahead of Me, you end up doing what I've asked you to do in your own strength rather than Mine. Instead of being cloaked in the sweetness of My Spirit, your efforts are cloaked in your flesh. And sometimes, my dear daughter, your flesh ain't that easy to receive."
Amen! I'm sure we've all experienced being on the other end of it - but I'm recognizing more and more how much I'm the issue as well.
Instead:
"I(God) delight in a heart that welcomes My work rather than resents it. A willing, teachable spirit is all I'm looking for. A life so surrendered to Me, I can do My work unhindered."
*emphasis added by me
Do I value, do we value, willingness enough? It's easy to admire talents and knowledge and strength...but what about just having a willingness to trust God enough in spite of our lack of whatever is needed to step out anyways, knowing that He is sufficient - and really it's Him doing the work in us regardless - if it's going to be of value. Can I get past my fear of what others will think and just follow Him, trusting Him with the results?
I thinks so often I read things about believers struggling with making something of themselves in a showy, 'look at me' way - and learning to really give God the glory and the front seat on things. But what about people like me, who would much rather be hidden in the crowd and not seen - what happens when God calls us to do something, to say something, that will draw attention to ourselves? Can we learn to trust Him and be obedient, to not worry what others will think of us, and just let Him use us as a vessel? That's what I struggle with...and I think deep down, it's the same core issue...just needing to keep our eyes on Jesus and be more concerned with pleasing Him than other people - whether we're trying to make a name for ourselves, or keeping our name hidden - because really, our name is His now. Our life is no longer our own, to build or stay hidden. We are to find that delightful balance in knowing our worth because we're children of God, but being more concerned about making sure people know Christ's worth!
Anyways, that was quite a tangent...this is what happens when I write without a clear purpose in mind!
another great quote from this book about Gladys Aylward - a missionary to China -
"Gladys once said, 'I wasn't God's first choice for what I've done for China...I don't know who it was...It must have been a man...a well-educated man. I don't know what happened. Perhaps he died. Perhaps he wasn't willing...And God looked down...and saw Gladys Aylward..And God said - 'Well, she's willing.'"
Kind of changes my perspective on willingness....
According to 1 Peter, God has equipped us for all that we need for life and godliness - all that He desires to accomplish in our lives - so, that means all we really have to ever be is willing...willing to be obedient, willing to surrender to His plans (not necessarily our own), willing to wait when we'd rather be making 'progress,' willing to be quiet when we want to be asking questions and making suggestions (which are really subtle dictations anyways), willing to just trust Him enough to let Him lead the way.
I guess that probably has my own little slant on it...maybe it's easy for you to be willing in these areas, but harder in others - regardless, I think it's pretty awesome that all we're responsible for is our willingness. And even that He gives us when we ask for it. We just have to be willing to apply it. :)
"Lord, create in me a clean heart, and renew a steadfast, willing spirit within me." Psalm 51:10
Fruit - the application of the Truth of God, through the power of the Holy Spirit, available for others to see and taste and get hungry for the things of God.
May we live fruitful lives that give people a taste of something they can't get enough of, and a craving to find what they're missing out on!
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
The River by Meredith Andrews
Everywhere is the sorrow and the pain of empty living
You can't see it, look in their eyes
All the hoplessness of the world
But look closer, He is right there
In the midst of every fear
Living water is the offer, restoration is the call
And He invites us, can you hear Him say?
He invites us, hear Him call your name
Welcome to the river
Come drink, come wade, come find your very light
Welcome to the river of God
Where your brokenness is washed away
Welcome to the river
Come drink, come wade, come find your very light
Welcome to the river of God
Where your brokenness is washed away
Find your healing
Find your freedom
In the river of God
Find your healing
Find your freedom
In the river of God
Your healing here
Your freedom here
In the river of God
Your healing here
Your freedom here
In the river of God
Welcome to the river
Come drink, come wade, come find your very light
Welcome to the river of God
Where your brokenness is washed away
Welcome to the river
Come drink, come wade, come find your very light
Welcome to the river of God
Where your brokenness is washed away
Everyone is broken and in need of a Savior
You can't see it, look in their eyes
All the hoplessness of the world
But look closer, He is right there
In the midst of every fear
Living water is the offer, restoration is the call
And He invites us, can you hear Him say?
He invites us, hear Him call your name
Welcome to the river
Come drink, come wade, come find your very light
Welcome to the river of God
Where your brokenness is washed away
Welcome to the river
Come drink, come wade, come find your very light
Welcome to the river of God
Where your brokenness is washed away
Find your healing
Find your freedom
In the river of God
Find your healing
Find your freedom
In the river of God
Your healing here
Your freedom here
In the river of God
Your healing here
Your freedom here
In the river of God
Welcome to the river
Come drink, come wade, come find your very light
Welcome to the river of God
Where your brokenness is washed away
Welcome to the river
Come drink, come wade, come find your very light
Welcome to the river of God
Where your brokenness is washed away
Everyone is broken and in need of a Savior
Thursday, May 14, 2009
Still by Watermark
The more I get alone
The more I see I need to get alone more, more
Cause just when I think that I'm alone
Your Spirit calls out to me
And even silence has a song
Cause that's when you come
Sing over me
Still, let me be still
Let me be OK
With the quiet in my heart
Still, I want to be still
I'm so quick to move
Instead of listening to you
Shut my mouth
Crush my pride
Give me the tears
Of a broken life,
Still
Oh this world, it falls around me
And flutters all it's beauty in my eyes
But let me choose the solitude
Simplicity has always simply changed my life
Even stillness makes me move
Cause that's when my heart
Learns to dance with you
Still, let me be still
Let me be OK
With the quiet in my heart
Still, I want to be still
I'm so quick to move
Instead of listening to you
I'm your child
Tame my heart
Obedience
To me impart
Still
Hold me
Cleanse me
Change me, Oh God
Change me while I am
Still,
let me be still
And know that you are God
And You're always enough
Still, I want to be still
To take all that I am
And simply lift it up
Shut my mouth
Crush my pride
Give me the tears
Of a broken life,
Still
Friday, May 8, 2009
I love this author!
About a year ago, I came across an author that God has just given the ability to speak right into my circumstances and to just be a timely message from Him. Her name is Frances J. Roberts, and she has written several small devotional books - which I HIGHLY recommend - first and foremost, "Come Away My Beloved." I've also read "Make Haste, My Beloved," "On the Highroad to Surrender," and "Dialogues with God" - from which this next passage is out of.
You'll notice the unique format - a prayer, and then God's response to that prayer (based on scripture and just Holy Spirit discernment on her part). It may not be for everyone, but God has used this author's words as His Words in my life so much that I just have to share!
This message came today, in light of studying about intentionally taking time to be still and reflect on God, His Love, and just being available to Him in my every day, every hour, every moment life. It's actually pretty amazing just how good I am at completely missing Him and the point of all this sometimes!!! But He's also so faithful to speak to me and lead me back to His green pastures and still waters to restore my soul!
Enjoy!
Unfinished Tasks (The prayer)
"My Father, I am not capable of doing all those things that are demanded of in the course of a day. For every task completed, numerous other needful duties are left undone. This is not a complaint that life is over burdensome, but rather a cry to Thee for understanding and for wisdom to improve the situation: how to reach the end of the day with a feeling of some degree of satisfaction in a job well done. It is not restful to, as it were, sleep on loose ends - to be forever uncomfortably aware of there multitudinous tasks still waiting.
For as time passes, so much of what we have failed to accomplish can no longer be done at all. Surely there must be enough time and enough strength provided to do the vitally essential things. Dear Father, I not only fail to accomplish the task, but lose my sensitivity to Thy guidance, and in doing this, I soon have also lost the joy I would have had if I had pleased Thee."
Give Me the Firstfruits (God's response)
"O my child, do not bring Me the unfinished tasks. There will always be work to do. This also can be a snare of the enemy, for he would deceive you into feeling that all work is worthy in itself - that simply to be occupied is good. This is not true. To sit still, yes, even to have recreation, is sometimes just as important and ofttimes more so. If you were a hundred people, you would discover that you would have a hundred times more unfinished tasks!
Give Me a heart that has learned to become quiet and to rest. Anybody can do work. Few people know how to be quiet. being quiet is not being lazy. Most lazy people are never truly quiet. Those who do the least frequently talk the most and are seldom able to be still and collect their wits.
You must be able to collect yourself - to take time to absorb the Spirit of God. For to be freshly filled with the Spirit will bring the guidance and direction and wisdom and the will to do His bidding. The purpose of spending time with God is more than simply enjoying His Presence: It is to fit you for the labors next at hand. The Mount of Transfiguration was not a separate play from the deliverance of the demoniac. It was the first scene. Christ's words to the impotent disciples leave us in no doubt as to this (Mark 9:1-29: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark%209:1-29&version=31)
So come to Me, as I have so often invited thee to do - heart open, hands uplifted and empty. Don't bring Me your work. Bring Me yourself. It is you that I love, not your enterprises. The more you draw near to Me in singleness of heart, the clearer will be your guidance on life's pathway and the less danger there will be of substituting human activities for Spirit-directed ministries.
Keep your heart tender, lest your work become destructive."
You'll notice the unique format - a prayer, and then God's response to that prayer (based on scripture and just Holy Spirit discernment on her part). It may not be for everyone, but God has used this author's words as His Words in my life so much that I just have to share!
This message came today, in light of studying about intentionally taking time to be still and reflect on God, His Love, and just being available to Him in my every day, every hour, every moment life. It's actually pretty amazing just how good I am at completely missing Him and the point of all this sometimes!!! But He's also so faithful to speak to me and lead me back to His green pastures and still waters to restore my soul!
Enjoy!
Unfinished Tasks (The prayer)
"My Father, I am not capable of doing all those things that are demanded of in the course of a day. For every task completed, numerous other needful duties are left undone. This is not a complaint that life is over burdensome, but rather a cry to Thee for understanding and for wisdom to improve the situation: how to reach the end of the day with a feeling of some degree of satisfaction in a job well done. It is not restful to, as it were, sleep on loose ends - to be forever uncomfortably aware of there multitudinous tasks still waiting.
For as time passes, so much of what we have failed to accomplish can no longer be done at all. Surely there must be enough time and enough strength provided to do the vitally essential things. Dear Father, I not only fail to accomplish the task, but lose my sensitivity to Thy guidance, and in doing this, I soon have also lost the joy I would have had if I had pleased Thee."
Give Me the Firstfruits (God's response)
"O my child, do not bring Me the unfinished tasks. There will always be work to do. This also can be a snare of the enemy, for he would deceive you into feeling that all work is worthy in itself - that simply to be occupied is good. This is not true. To sit still, yes, even to have recreation, is sometimes just as important and ofttimes more so. If you were a hundred people, you would discover that you would have a hundred times more unfinished tasks!
Give Me a heart that has learned to become quiet and to rest. Anybody can do work. Few people know how to be quiet. being quiet is not being lazy. Most lazy people are never truly quiet. Those who do the least frequently talk the most and are seldom able to be still and collect their wits.
You must be able to collect yourself - to take time to absorb the Spirit of God. For to be freshly filled with the Spirit will bring the guidance and direction and wisdom and the will to do His bidding. The purpose of spending time with God is more than simply enjoying His Presence: It is to fit you for the labors next at hand. The Mount of Transfiguration was not a separate play from the deliverance of the demoniac. It was the first scene. Christ's words to the impotent disciples leave us in no doubt as to this (Mark 9:1-29: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark%209:1-29&version=31)
So come to Me, as I have so often invited thee to do - heart open, hands uplifted and empty. Don't bring Me your work. Bring Me yourself. It is you that I love, not your enterprises. The more you draw near to Me in singleness of heart, the clearer will be your guidance on life's pathway and the less danger there will be of substituting human activities for Spirit-directed ministries.
Keep your heart tender, lest your work become destructive."
Monday, May 4, 2009
Mercy and An Eventful Night
So - apparently I'm a lot more rebellious than I thought.
I was driving to meet a friend at Starbucks for our usual time of catching up and trying to figure out all the mysteries of life, and apparently didn't realize how anxious I was to get there. So, flashing lights behind me, I pull over, sighing and blaming my husband for frustrating me and 'making me drive fast' because I was frustrated.
And so the usual question - do you know why I pulled you over, etc., etc, and may I see your license and registration. So, I give him my id and then scramble in the glove compartment for the most recent insurance card. Sure enough, it's not there, but he offers to take the expired card and look it up on his computer. So, more ammo to throw at my husband - i call him, make sure he know that I've been pulled over, and that it's his fault that I don't have the current insurance information (that he confirms is sitting at his desk at home).
Then, as i wait on the officer to come back, it hits me. I totally deserve this. I don't have any excuses. I was speeding - I broke the law, and I was getting what I deserved. And on top of that, in the way that the Holy Spirit can be so untimely :), He brings to mind the passage about receiving the measure of mercy that I give out.
"Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!" James 2:12-13
And I think - oh man, am I in trouble! I had A LOT of opportunities before i left home to be merciful with my husband, to give him a break and realize most of my attitude was because I was just in a bad mood, not because of some things that he had forgotten to do lately. And so I'm thinking - here it comes. Big ticket heading my way with my name on it.
And then the officer comes up, and brings it to my attention that my license has been expired for almost a year - and did i realize that. I'm freaking out inside, not even sure what they do for that type of thing, all the while trying to stay composed in front of the officer. He asks if someone is home that can come get me. I explain that my husband and I only have one car and that he's at home carless. But I do mention my friend that I was on my way to meet, and he encourages me to call her. So, totally loosing it as he walks back to his car, I call my dear, sweet friend, balling my eyes out, telling her that they're coming to take me away and she needs to be here! :) So, she says she'll be right there.
And then - totally unexpectedly, the officer comes back, and tells me the verdict. Instead of giving me a ticket for driving without a license (which I guess they can do since it's been expired for so long), he just gives me a ticket for an expired license, and a warning for the speeding. He asks me to stay there until my friend gets there, and he leaves.
And I totally didn't get what I deserved! And then it hit me, again, in the way that God's grace just flows, that I don't get what I deserve every single day. I don't deserve God's grace and mercy, but He extends it from the cross 2000 years ago to me today. I don't deserve the blessings in my life, and yet it continually pours out His love and blessings on me. And I have the nerve to withhold mercy from the man that i love most in my life (besides Jesus) - just who do I think I am? How can I lose sight of this and go about my life, complaining because I don't get things my way. PRAISE GOD I DON'T GET THINGS MY WAY! Because my way, what i deserve, is death.
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship." -Romans 12:1-2
So, yeah - I'm a lot more rebellious than I thought - I was breaking about 5 laws without even trying - and didn't recognize my need for mercy. And how often do I go about life like that - not realizing my need for mercy, and not realizing just how much each day I break more and more of God's laws, His perfect standard of holiness. Praise God for Jesus Christ, my Savior, Who took my place so that I could become Righteous (rightly related) to God!
I was driving to meet a friend at Starbucks for our usual time of catching up and trying to figure out all the mysteries of life, and apparently didn't realize how anxious I was to get there. So, flashing lights behind me, I pull over, sighing and blaming my husband for frustrating me and 'making me drive fast' because I was frustrated.
And so the usual question - do you know why I pulled you over, etc., etc, and may I see your license and registration. So, I give him my id and then scramble in the glove compartment for the most recent insurance card. Sure enough, it's not there, but he offers to take the expired card and look it up on his computer. So, more ammo to throw at my husband - i call him, make sure he know that I've been pulled over, and that it's his fault that I don't have the current insurance information (that he confirms is sitting at his desk at home).
Then, as i wait on the officer to come back, it hits me. I totally deserve this. I don't have any excuses. I was speeding - I broke the law, and I was getting what I deserved. And on top of that, in the way that the Holy Spirit can be so untimely :), He brings to mind the passage about receiving the measure of mercy that I give out.
"Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!" James 2:12-13
And I think - oh man, am I in trouble! I had A LOT of opportunities before i left home to be merciful with my husband, to give him a break and realize most of my attitude was because I was just in a bad mood, not because of some things that he had forgotten to do lately. And so I'm thinking - here it comes. Big ticket heading my way with my name on it.
And then the officer comes up, and brings it to my attention that my license has been expired for almost a year - and did i realize that. I'm freaking out inside, not even sure what they do for that type of thing, all the while trying to stay composed in front of the officer. He asks if someone is home that can come get me. I explain that my husband and I only have one car and that he's at home carless. But I do mention my friend that I was on my way to meet, and he encourages me to call her. So, totally loosing it as he walks back to his car, I call my dear, sweet friend, balling my eyes out, telling her that they're coming to take me away and she needs to be here! :) So, she says she'll be right there.
And then - totally unexpectedly, the officer comes back, and tells me the verdict. Instead of giving me a ticket for driving without a license (which I guess they can do since it's been expired for so long), he just gives me a ticket for an expired license, and a warning for the speeding. He asks me to stay there until my friend gets there, and he leaves.
And I totally didn't get what I deserved! And then it hit me, again, in the way that God's grace just flows, that I don't get what I deserve every single day. I don't deserve God's grace and mercy, but He extends it from the cross 2000 years ago to me today. I don't deserve the blessings in my life, and yet it continually pours out His love and blessings on me. And I have the nerve to withhold mercy from the man that i love most in my life (besides Jesus) - just who do I think I am? How can I lose sight of this and go about my life, complaining because I don't get things my way. PRAISE GOD I DON'T GET THINGS MY WAY! Because my way, what i deserve, is death.
"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship." -Romans 12:1-2
So, yeah - I'm a lot more rebellious than I thought - I was breaking about 5 laws without even trying - and didn't recognize my need for mercy. And how often do I go about life like that - not realizing my need for mercy, and not realizing just how much each day I break more and more of God's laws, His perfect standard of holiness. Praise God for Jesus Christ, my Savior, Who took my place so that I could become Righteous (rightly related) to God!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
