Drawing Near

Our FPU Story

2012-02-12T17:14:00.000-08:00

So, we are getting the privilege of sharing our Financial Peace University testimony this week in the two sessions we have currently going at our church. In preparation, I wrote out what will probably be the long version and will get condensed, especially since my husband is the main one sharing tonight. :) Neither one of us are big public speaker types, but we won't refuse a time to share how God has been SOOO faithful to us and to give Him the glory for where we are today.

So, I thought since i had written it up anyways, I would just share it here, in hopes that it will bring encouragement to anyone that may be where we were 3 years ago, and to anyone working the Dave Ramsey plan now. Keep at it!

Our story -

Thanks for letting us take a few minutes to share our FPU storywith you. We were introduced to FPU by James and Cynthia Caine, who werewilling to share their story and how God was using FPU in their lives. Itencouraged us and led us to join FPU, and so we hope that in the same way, Godwill use what He has done in our life to encourage you.

We were married in November of 2005. We both entered into our marriage with a verysimple financial plan – just that we wanted some money. But we both didn’treally have much else in regards to that. We were never really careless withour finances, neither being big spenders, but we still didn’t have a handle onit. All we did know was that we wanted to be good stewards of what God hadgiven us, so we decided to join a Crown Financial small group about 3 yrs intoour marriage. We learned a lot of great biblical principles about why we shouldbe good stewards, but left without really knowing how to get there from wherewe were.

At the time, we figured that because our income was greaterthan our monthly expenses, our bank account should be growing each month. Butthat wasn’t the case. In fact, there were even months we had overdraft fees.And at the time, our only emergency fund was our credit card, which we alsoused for large purchases to pay off over time. We did not have any savings, anddefinitely thought that having a car payment was just how you did things. Andeven though we weren’t ready to start a family at that season of our lives, Icouldn’t help but worry in the back of my mind how we’d ever be at a pointwhere we could afford an addition to our family if we couldn’t even really makeends meet, just the two of us.

Fast forward to the fall of 2008, where we had the privilege of being in asmall group with James and Cynthia Caine. Once they shared their FPU story withus, Immediately I could sense this was something God wanted to do at Community,and in our own lives personally, and so FPU was implemented the following Januaryof 2009.

For us, one of the big light bulb moments during the firstfew weeks of FPU was about the detailed budget. Since we had never found abudget that worked for us, I was personally pretty intimidated by this point. (Budgetwas a bad word around our little one-room apartment, something I believed meantthat I would have to do without what I wanted.) When we got into this part ofthe course, and realized just what money we had been spending, we were shocked!We had no idea that we were spending so much money in some areas, anddefinitely would not have intentionally set aside that amount of money to gotowards things like eating out, where we had nothing to show for it later(except maybe in our waistlines). All ofa sudden, instead of being something restrictive, the budget became a source ofempowerment, allowing us to consciously choose where we wanted our money to goeach month, making sure that it lined up with what we valued and agreedupon. It was really a life-changingmoment for us. And we were able to identify areas we could start to put some ofour monthly income into paying off debt.

Now that we had a plan, we were able to really face our debt with gazelle-likeintensity. But we still knew, that because we both weren’t very good withfinances, that we needed God to be doing all this through us. He honored ourattempts to be obedient and faithful stewards, and there was time and timeagain when He provided either new forms of income, or met a need through someother way.

And you know how I mentioned that little fear in the back of my head that we’dnever be able to have a baby. We could see a little bit of light in thedistance, knowing that the money that was now going towards debt could somedaybe freed up for a baby.

As a testament to God’s goodness and faithfulness, only 7 months later, we werefinished with Baby Step 2 and debt-free, except for the house. And we no longerhad the idea that we needed a car payment, and definitely had given up the habitof using a credit card, period, forever. Two short months after that, we werepregnant with our first child, who is now 19 months old.

Even now 3 years later, we’re still as committed to theprogram as we were the first few weeks. Even though it’s taken us a little bitlonger than average, due to having a baby and other life events, we are excitedto say we’ll be finishing Baby Step 3 in a couple of months, and will be ableto start investing for our future, at the ripe old age of 30. Praise God forHis faithfulness and patience with us now and in the future!

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I'd love to hear your story as well!

What's your Perspective?

2012-01-20T11:20:00.000-08:00

This is nothing new and revolutionary.
Well, nothing new. It can be revolutionary if we let it.

The idea starts with a question.

How much time have you spent on your knees lately?

The Lord has been speaking to me about the topics of honor and integrity lately. The importance of honoring Him - and what that really looks like in a life - and the importance of honoring others.

(Just a little fun fact - according to www.biblegateway.com, the word 'honor' is found in the Bible 211 times, at least in the NIV translation. That's a lot. Compare that to other significant topics, such as love appearing 686 times, 'forgive' 121 times, and 'pray' 367 times. Just wanted to validate that it's something God made a point to mention a few times.)

I don't know if you've ever met a person that really seemed to have the honoring God thing down, but it's pretty incredible. It's actually pretty apparent that there is something different about that person, too. It's like they walk with an understanding of the gravity of what is means to esteem others better than themselves. (Philippians 2:3, "Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves.")

Their lives are characterized by a stillness, a patience that is required to truly offer people your time and attention, acknowledging that they are worth it. It illustrates the truth that God has called us to be in relationship, and that relationships are important.

They place value on the people around them.

I've been contemplating this in terms of my relationship with God.

Do I understand the gravity of what it means to live my life in a way that honors Him?

Do I consider how my actions and attitudes fall in line with what is pleasing to Him?
Do I think of what He places value on, and therefore accredit value to it as well?

And where does integrity come into all of this?

Dictionary.com states that integrity is defined as
1.) adherence to moral and ethical principles; soundness of moral character; honesty.
2.) the state of being whole, entire, or undiminished: to preserve the integrity of the empire.

To live with integrity means that we're honest - authentic - IE., no shady stuff going on in our lives that we're not really wanting other folks to know about.

No false pretenses. What you see is what you get.

I believe in order to live lives of honor, we have to get to a place of integrity first. You can't fake honor. In fact, I'm pretty sure that's called manipulation. (More on this in a later post.)

Integrity is grounded in Truth.

Integrity requires having a proper perspective.

And in order to have a proper perspective, we have to be in the right position to see correctly.

I was reminded of this today as I knelt in front of my desk at work. I don't normally spend a lot of time looking at things down there. (Just in case you are interested, there is quite a bit of dust on my computer case, paper scraps that have compiled over time, scattered randomly. I could go on, but I'll spare you.)

The point I'm getting at is that this isn't something I'm aware of on a daily basis, when I scoot my chair up to my desk to start work. I don't normally see what is under there because I am not normally positioned to see it.

But today I was led to take a minute, get on my knees, and worship. To posture myself in a way that represents honor.

And when I chose to do that, I saw something I don't normally see.

The point I'm getting at is not that the desk and random paper scraps were not important, or even what God wanted to show me.

What I mean is that when we humble ourselves, slow down and choose to position ourselves in a way that acknowledges that He is worthy of our honor, we start to see things we were meant to see.

Start to see things as they were meant to be seen.

He starts to show us stuff that He's been wanting to share with us, but our view has been too lofty, too distorted.
Maybe because we've been haven't been rightly related to Him.
Maybe we've been too busy to slow down, to take in the scenery.

Whatever the case, we weren't in position.

So, back to my original question.

How much time have you spent on your knees lately?

What have you and I been missing, what are we not seeing, because we haven't been on my knees, positioned to receive from God?

I've heard the definition before in a teaching that humility is just being properly related or "positioned" to God. He is placed in higher esteem because in truth, He is worthy of that position. It's just the facts.

God > me.

But humility isn't about degrading ourselves or thinking less of ourselves, either. We were made in the image of God and we were created by Him for Him for a purpose - fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139).

Humility is about being rightly related to God - making nothing more or less of ourselves than who He created us to be.

And once God is in His right position in our life, and we fall into our proper place, we're able to honor Him and others from a place of truth. Integrity.

Let me streamline this a little bit.

I believe in order to live lives of honor, we need integrity. And in order to have integrity, we have to be able to see things as they really are, from a proper perspective.

Humble. On our knees.

So, I believe, if I am to truly live a life of humility, as I'm called to and which is necessary in order to honor others, I need to spend a lot more time noticing the dust and random scraps of paper that I've been missing before.

It's only when I take a posture of humility and honor that I can catch a vision of
who God really is,
who I really am in Him,
and what it is He wants me focused on.

So is your life busy? Are you distracted? Do you know what the dust looks like under your desk? Your bed at home? What scraps have been finding their home in your carpet at home?

There really is something about carving some time out of your day to get away to a secret place, where you can get on your knees.

And stay there past the urge to jump back into your schedule and routine. Stay there long enough to experience His stillness and peace, to meet with Him, and to catch a glimpse of

His Perspective.

Is What You Want What You Need?

2012-01-10T08:14:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think I'm pretty smart.

Maybe not consciously, but my actions seem to show otherwise. I somehow convince myself that I don't need to get into the Word often, that it's not that important, or that I've been in it enough in the past to 'cover me' for a couple of days or weeks.

Big.Fat.Lie.

"The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it?" -Jeremiah 17:9

What is true?

In me, there is no good thing. (Romans 7:18). Apart from God, I can do no good thing. (John 15:5)

When I choose to not get into the Word, to consciously and intentionally connect with God, I'm not just staying in some neutral zone. I cannot continue to move forward with His work without Him.

Because you know what happens? It becomes my work. And you know what that is? Lifeless. Dull. Striving. Distraction. (refer to Romans 7:18 & John 15:5 above)

There is no neutral zone. The enemy wants me to think there is. That all I'm doing is just choosing to rest. I deserve rest, right? It's just too hard to seek after the Lord all the time, right?

Another lie.
"Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For My yoke is easy and My burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

What I am really choosing when I don't choose to spend time in God's word is not to rest, but to slowly allow my mind to revert to it's old way of thinking.

And you know who that looks like? Not Jesus, that's for sure.

But as it states in the beginning of John 15:5, if I choose to abide in God, I can bear good fruit. It's conditional on my connection and close relationship with Him.

And you know one awesome truth that still astonishes me today as much as it did the first time I heard it?

God, the Creator of the Universe -who is totally capable of just telling me to do something & asking for my obedience, period -chooses to allow me to not only partake in His Work, but He'll even give me a joy and a passion for it!

Psalm 37:4 says, "Delight yourselves in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart."

He has the ability to change my heart, to give me a desire for Him, His Kingdom, and what is good for me. He can make me passionate and excited about what He has called me to do so that it's a joy and a delight for me to do it!

Seriously.

That's Grace.

Which brings me to what inspired this post in the first place.

I had an old Passion song in my head this morning, and I believe God was bringing it to mind to remind me of what to ask Him for.

"Give me one pure and holy passion. Give me one magnificent obsession. Give me one glorious ambition for my life, to know and follow hard after you." - One Pure and Holy Passion, Passion

When I feel less than enthused, when I feel dry and uninspired, distracted by many things, God says we can ask for the desire to seek Him.

We can ask for a hunger for His Word.
For eyes to see His truth.
For a heart that is undivided, so that we not only believe the truth, but we truly embrace it wholeheartedly.

And He will give it to us because He knows that it is what we need. More of Him.

And it's what He wants!

More of us!

I don't have to pretend to be excited about getting into the Word. (Sometimes I am...often I'm not, if I'll be honest). I don't have to come to God with any pretense. I can just come to Him as I am.

Lazy. Fallen.In need.

And He wants to respond. And He will respond, when we seek Him with all our hearts. (Jeremiah 29:13) And He will continue to amaze us. Thrill us. Excite us. And give us a love for Him.

He is the Source, and we just have to stay connected.

"There is none like you. No one else can touch my heart like You do. And I could search for all eternity long and find, there is none like You."

Influence

2012-01-06T07:49:00.000-08:00

"With great power comes great responsibility." - Uncle Ben, Spiderman

Okay - so living with a geek for the past 6 years has kind of rubbed off on me a little bit. But regardless of the source of the statement, I still think it holds a lot of truth.

We have all been given the ability to influence, whether for the good or detriment of those around us. I think this is particularly true for women. I think that women have been given the ability to influence, lead, and on the converse side, manipulate, in ways that men cannot. (I'm not insinuating women are greater than men - I also think the statement is true for men - they can lead and influence in ways that women were never meant to.)

Before I go any further, let me put out this little disclaimer: The following is not meant as a bash of women or men, but rather I'm trying to just put the facts out there to explain how the choices that we make as women do have a great effect on those that God has placed in our lives (specifically if you are married, the man that God has placed as the head of your household), and that we need to consider the circle of influence that God has given us when making choices that will either sew peace and righteousness, or chaos and confusion.

Examples of how women have chosen to use their power for harm:
There are so many Biblical examples portraying how women can influence men to second-guess what God has spoken or promised. One well-known example is Eve in the garden, choosing to personally question not only God's command, but to question his intent as well. ("For who among men knows the thoughts of a man except the spirit of the man which is in him? Even so the thoughts of God no one knows except the Spirit of God." -2 Corinthians 2:11) And we know how it played out - Adam chose to follow Eve's example, instead of standing firm in the leadership role He was placed in, and the rest is history. (Genesis 3)

Another example is Sarai, Abram's wife. Not believing God's promise that He would grant Abram a son, she chose to take matters into her own hands by offering up her slave instead, rationalizing that she could at least have a surrogate child this way (since God was obviously not following through with His end of the deal). (Genesis 16) And once again, you see man following a women's suggestion - choosing also to disbelieve and question whether God meant what He said.

(On a side note - I find it rather funny that after Sarai's slave, Hagar, gets pregnant, Sarai becomes upset because it's not turning out the way she thought it would, and so she comes back to blame Abram about it! (Genesis 16:5) I have to be honest and say I can relate to the temptation to blame when something doesn't turn out the way I planned. Anyone else want to admit to that one?)

I go into these examples because I believe it's one way God has chosen to reveal the power a woman has been given in order to offer advice, wisdom, and discernment to others. Wives have the awesome ability to offer insight to their husbands, an incredible gift when that is given prayerfully and in humility, not trying to manipulate and control, but as God intended. And single women - you have the ability to encourage & offer that same gift to the people that God has placed in your life as well.

Examples of how women have chosen to use their power for good:
Look at Esther! Here is a woman that was placed in the role as queen in order to plead for the lives of the Israelites. She chose to accept the place of honor God had granted her, and with humility, advised her husband, the King, to show mercy. (Esther 7) Because of this, the people of God were saved.

And I'm sure the list could continue, but for the sake of this note becoming a novella, I will get to the conclusion.

The other day the Lord brought to mind Proverbs 14:1,
"A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands."

Whew -does that hit anyone else in the gut like it does me? It's so true. I don't know how many times I've set out to be encouraging and uplifting to my husband, and then end up tearing down those efforts with my nagging and nit-picking tendencies. And what about the times I don't even recognize I'm doing this?

What if we recognized the power of our suggestions - that they will either bring light, clarity, and freedom, or deception, confusion, and bondage?

I pray that the Lord would reveal to us what we have been given the ability to do - to build His Kingdom by using our power for good - for choosing encouragement over criticism, humility over our need to be right, submission and trust over control - love over fear.

"But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth." Acts 1:8

"Through the power of the Holy Spirit who lives within us, carefully guard the precious truth that has been entrusted to you." - 2 Timothy 1:14

"for God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control." 2 Timothy 1:7

"because our gospel came to you not only in word, but also in power and in the Holy Spirit and with full conviction." 1 Thessalonians 1:5a

Encouragement Tidbits

2011-10-12T18:42:00.000-07:00

I haven't been posting in a while because it's been a pretty busy season of my life where I feel I'm struggling to find my footing & even know how to process things myself, let alone attempt to bring others in the chaos.

But one of the positive things that has been happening is that I've been meeting with these two fabulous women on Monday nights. One of them has a heart for mentoring women, and has hand-picked me & another new mom in order to invest in us and offer some of the wisdom she's gleaned from her life experiences.

I love it when others are willing to share what God has given them, especially when it comes in the form of investing time. Those are precious things to share, treasures from God and time.

The other woman is a new, but dear friend of mine that I've recently gotten to know better through our mutual new season of life, motherhood. Our kids are actually only 1 day apart.

(Have I mentioned yet that I love God's timing? If not, I'm sure it will be the mantra for this post.)

So, we are studying a book called "The Great Lie" by Martha Kilpatrick. I knew nothing of this book, or should I say, booklet, before we ordered it online - other than two people had highly recommended it in the span of a two-week period, and so it caught my attention. But don't let the size of the booklet fool you. It's jam-packed full of thought-provoking statements and challenges. We've just barely waded in and feel pretty over our heads already. But in a good way.

The main emphasis of the book is about how Satan is bombarding us with a lie, a two part lie: God is not good and God is withholding good from us. Can you relate to that? Struggle with discontentment? Worry? Distrust? Want to control most of everything? Oh sorry....that's just me.

Maybe you can relate, too.

I would share more, but in my excitement, I have a tendency of trying to spit out what I'm just barely internalizing personally and not giving myself enough time to really, truly let it soak in. I had a friend tell me in college that I needed to "chew my cud" a little bit longer. I tried not to take the cow reference personally. :)

Anyways, so I'll spare you of any more commentary on the study. I do recommend you check it out, though!

So, onto the reason I did get on to share tonight.

Tonight the Lord led me to a couple of blog posts that were very timely and I believe contain some morsels that I need to chew on this evening. I don't know how the Lord speaks to you, but often, for me, it's about bringing multiple resources and references to my attention to really fill in the picture. Our God loves variety and I dig it as well.

Plus, it never hurts for God to continually re-emphasize what He's saying to me - I guess I can be a little slow on the uptake sometimes.

So, in order to not get distracted and try to share about something that I've really just begun processing myself, I just wanted to pass along the encouragement I received!

Enjoy!

What are you waiting for?

http://kellyneedham.wordpress.com/2010/08/01/what-are-you-waiting-on/

Faith in Difficult Times
http://kellyneedham.wordpress.com/2010/07/18/faith-in-difficult-times/

No Good Thing Does He Withhold (Part 2 of Faith in Difficult Times)
http://kellyneedham.wordpress.com/2010/07/28/no-good-thing-does-he-withhold/

Nothing is More Important (an excerpt from a 31 day series on Parenting)
http://joyfuljava.blogspot.com/2011/10/31-days-nothing-is-more-important.html

An Invitation To Fall Apart

2011-07-29T21:22:00.000-07:00

I ran across this video tonight in the search to find a new worship CD, and this was yet another confirmation of God's faithfulness to meet me where I am. It's been a rough season the past 6-8 weeks, with a lot going on and honestly just not having the time (or taking the time) to sort through all of it mentally or emotionally. Needless to say, I've been kind of a wreck (and God has extended grace to and through my husband to help me in the midst of it)!

Tonight, I felt as though this was an invitation for me to fall apart.
To let go and trust that God is big enough to handle my brokenness.
To cease striving to hold myself together.
To be reminded that He is with me in the midst of my brokenness, and that that is when I'm the most sensitive to His voice.

I guess when I stop telling myself that I'm fine, that I can pull myself together and quiet my inner pep talks, it's then that I can hear Him speaking to me, reminding me that I need Him.

When I let go of my perfectionism, I can exchange my poor attempts for His strength.

"But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me." - 2 Corinthians 12:9

The video really spoke to me and I'm praying that this season can be redeemed and changed into a season of intimate revival in my relationship with Jesus. What Satan has meant for harm, God has always transformed for His purposes because I belong to Him. I do pray for the courage to hold on to Him when my life seems to be falling apart and to trust His heart when I don't understand His ways.

I encourage you to take a minute to listen to the song first, and then watch the video of the story behind it. I couldn't find it to add to my playlist, or I would have put that on the top of my list. I'm sure I'll be listening to it a lot over the next few weeks.

Fall Apart by Josh Wilson

The Story Behind Fall Apart

A New Discipline Idea

2011-06-23T07:08:00.000-07:00

I'm thoroughly enjoying the blog, "The Word of God and a Cup of Joe" and as a new parent, will take any wisdom I can get on parenting.

We've just started disciplining Natalie, now that she's reached the age of knowing what "No" means and needing boundaries, and we definitely don't have it figured out.at.all. So, if you're like me, or have a friend with a kid or ten that could use some pointers, enjoy today's post on A New Discipline Idea!

It even includes a cute little project for those of use that like things tidy!

Boundaries and Balance

2011-06-22T13:48:00.000-07:00

This post by Lisa Whittle really spoke to me today, especially as I'm learning about boundaries. My husband and I have recently joined a small group that is doing the study, "Boundaries in Marriage" and we're really, really enjoying it. But I have to admit it's kind of kicking my butt, too! I had no idea how boundaries (and the lack of them) affect the relationships and decisions that we make each day!

It's heartbreaking to me to see families that are serving in ministry, giving so much for other people, whose own families are falling apart themselves. I can see how easily that could become my life, too, should I not learn how to set proper boundaries and learn to protect the gifts God has given me.

I think that if we could all be prayerful and intentional to follow the steps Lisa puts out in the blog, we'd do more to reinforce and strengthen our families, and our overall effectiveness in ministry as a result.

Choosing the Better Over the Good

Nat's Birthday and trying to do things differently

2011-06-20T17:01:00.001-07:00

So, my 'baby's' first birthday is coming up in 6 days. June 24th.

6 days?! I can't believe it.

With that in mind, please bare with me as this is a solely personal blog post regarding the party planning and thoughts behind why we do what we do.

We are in the midst of planning her birthday bash, and wondering how in the world we're going to fit 30 family members in our um, humble home. :) It will be interesting! But we're really looking forward to celebrating her big day with those that love her almost as much as her daddy and I do. :)

One thing that we really want to do, and we're not quite sure how to pull it off just yet, is to make her birthday each year a day of thanksgiving - intentionally turning the focus off of solely Natalie and gifts and all the other stuff that is thrown into that day by tradition, and making it about thanking God for her life, for one more year, and recognizing all (well, to the best of our ability) that He has done in the past year up until that point. The same goes for Christmas -we really want to try to get the focus off of gifts and 'me' and turn it into a season of giving for our entire family. We're definitely open to suggestions!

We're trying to keep things meaningful and fun, without going off the deep end and spending money that we really don't have on things that really don't matter. This isn't meant to come across as judgmental to those that do like the 'big' stuff. It's definitely fun. It's just not where we are, and really where we feel the Lord leading us regarding how we spend the money that He's provided for us.

I so often fall into the trap of tradition and what others may be expecting, and do things that mean nothing to me. And I don't even realize it I'm doing it. And I spend money in ways that are careless and not meaningful, and I'm becoming convinced that God has called me to be a better manager of what He's provided than I've been in the past. So, we're trying to be meaningful, personal, and prayerful about the traditions we start as a family.

Anyways, I mainly wanted to share this super cute graphic that Jordan edited for her invites. It is really nice to have a graphic designer in the household. Natalie adores this new show on Nickelodeon called "Bubble Guppies" and so that's the theme. We're gonna have the shows running on our TIVO throughout the party, with some other fun, fishy crafts, snacks (goldfish, of course), and water fun in the backyard. She's getting a little swimming pool for her birthday (shh...don't tell her and spoil the surprise!) and we're borrowing 3-4 other little pools for the other cousins that will be there. I sure hope it doesn't rain!

So, here's the graphic:

Cute, right? :) Anyways, we're looking forward to it! I'll be sure to post pictures following the big event on July 2nd.

Thanks for sharing in my joy for a minute! :)

A Clear Message

2011-06-16T11:47:00.000-07:00

My husband and I were listening to a church's podcast we've recently discovered.

In fact, I'll let you in on a little secret. One of our new favorite ways to wind down in the evening is to put on a podcast and do jigsaw puzzles online together.

Yes, I know. It sounds super geeky. :I What can I say - I enjoy it. And with an 11-month old, it's a bit more realistic than trying to do a real puzzle and keep it out of her little grabby hands. :)

Anyways, so now that my guilty pleasure is out, I'll continue...

Last night we listened to a message entitled "What we are and what we are not." Without going into too much detail, it touched on how we, as believers, can still see ourselves as 'sinners.' At first, that sounds correct, right? He goes on to say how it's not true anymore - not insinuating that we don't still sin. But that we're no longer categorized by our sin. We're now a part of the family of God, we're now what Paul, and some of the other disciples that were powerfully chosen to pen the Word of God, called "saints." And that should be our new identity.

It seems like a small thing, but that subtle difference really does lead us to two very different results. One that identifies with the new life I've received through Christ, and strives to live in that victory, and another that still claims the old ways, and lives under defeat.

The message goes on to talk about what he refers to as "cool Christians." These are people that live on the edge and justify the gray areas in their lives as their 'freedom in grace' and their 'right' as believers.

He was personally not a big fan of this concept, and I felt like his take on it related to the internal conflict I've been having regarding this issue for quite some time.

It reminded me of another quote from "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp, where she says,

"God does not give rights but imparts responsibilities-"

I felt that this hit on what I've been struggling with. We as believers are under grace (and praise the Lord for that!) and we don't have to try to achieve the perfect standard that only Christ can be for us, our Righteousness (1 Corinthians 1:30-31). However, that grace does not afford us rights, but rather a hefty responsibility to now live lives that are clear messages of the gospel we've received.

I have to repeat that because that was a huge revelation for me last night.

I have been called to live a life that is a clear message of the gospel that I've received.

And I guess to put my stake down finally and make a stance, I don't believe that if my life resembles what it was before I was following Christ- by the shows I watch, the words I speak, the clothes I wear - that my life is sending a clear message at all.

How will people ever find life and light if I continue on in darkness?

And I'm not talking about self-imposed new standards of what I think a Christian should look and act like. That's legalism and trading old bondage for new chains.

I'm talking about the process of giving up my old way of living and putting on Christ (Ephesians 4:22-31).

Maybe all I do know is that when people look at me, I don't want them to question where I stand.

As Joshua said, "As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord."

I want that to be evident in the way I live my life - the words I speak, the shows I watch, the way I treat my family and others. And to me, that is a HUGE responsibility, one that I'm thankful God offers the grace to pursue, a way that leads to life.

Because if I say that the the Word of God is true and all that it claims, then what else makes sense?

"For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you. We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. For he has rescued us from the dominion of darkness and brought us into the kingdom of the Son he loves, in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins." - Colossians 1:9-13

The Shelf Life of Words

2011-06-16T06:19:00.001-07:00

I was reminded recently of a conversation that I had with a friend in first grade.

Yes, first grade.

Probably now 22 years ago.

I don't remember what we were doing at the time that inspired this comment,but my friend turned to me in frustration and told me something along the lines of,

"You should never be a teacher. You would not be good at it."

She said it so emphatically that I remember it hurt. And I think somewhere deep down, it still stings a little bit.

The funny thing is that I don't remember ever really aspiring to be a teacher. I was not one of those kids that knew by the age of 7 what I wanted (or thought I wanted) to be when I grew up. In fact, I think I've always been a rather indecisive person.

That's one reason I love that the Word of God offers so many promises and reassurances that God will direct our paths, and why my life verse is Proverbs 3:5-6:

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding (or ability to make decisions); in all your ways, acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths."

Anyways - back to the story. Even though it wasn't that this friend of mine was directly attacking this dream I had, it still hurt.

I could analyze it and maybe come to some conclusion that that is why I never pursued being a teacher. Who knows the truth of it. But regardless, I still trust in the fact that God began to direct my paths when I gave my life to Him at age 8, and as I've imperfectly followed after Him since, I believe He has had control over the direction of my life.

The point I'm getting at is that it stuck with me. These few words of discouragement. Words spoken in ignorance from someone that had no idea of the impact they would have, or the calling that God has on my life. I mean, we were just kids. 7 year olds.

But when do we grow up? When do we start to recognize the potency of words -the ability they can possess to empower and build up, or tear down and destroy?

One thing I did discover later is that I do love to 'teach'.

Not in the traditional, classroom setting kind of way, which may be why I don't even really connect it with that word very often.

What I love to do is share what I'm learning with others. In fact, that is what I feel God has told me to do - "Share with them what I've showing you. Encourage others the ways that you've been encouraged by Me."

I may not be very good at it. But that's not the point.

The point is that I believe it's all about doing what God has put before you to do - what He has given you a passion to do. And then He does it VERY WELL through you.

It may not look like the way you'd picture it.

The most powerful lessons God has taught me were not in the confines of a classroom, and that's not usually where I tend to pass them along to others either.

I've found that it usually looks like a conversation over coffee with a friend, an impromptu meeting in passing, etc.

So, regardless of the accuracy of another's assessments of your abilities and potential, the Truth is that as we seek after the Lord and allow Him to be Lord of our lives, He gives us the desires of our hearts (Proverbs 37:4). And those desires become our biggest strengths because they are indications of what He wants to do in and through your life.

And that is powerful. That is something that knocks down walls of criticism that have been erected in ignorance.

Have you had any similar experiences?

Expectations

2011-06-14T17:37:00.000-07:00

I'm currently reading and participating in an online study on "One Thousand Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. As I was posting this week's discussion questions, I had a thought that I wanted to share, and would love to hear your thoughts on the subject!

The thought was spurred off the following quote from Chapter 9 of OTG:

"Instead of filling with expectations, the joy-filled expect nothing."

I was thinking about this concept in conjunction with what I've heard taught before about 'waiting in expectation' on the Lord. And how again, it's these subtle things that trip us up.

It's like a little bit of unlevel ground beneath our feet that is so slight that as we're walking, not really intentional about our footing, can throw us flat on our faces.

The difference is that we don't wait in expectation of 'how' God is going to move - we wait in expectation for Him, period.

We wait in expectation that He will move on our behalf, that He is working in our situation, that He does hear our prayers.

But how often do I pray, and then 'wait in expectation' that He's going to answer my prayer in the way that I want it or think it should be done. I fill myself with all these thoughts and scenarios, and like Ann states, there's not room for joy because I'm distracted by my sense of control, like I'm dictating to God how it should be.

(Of course, that is rarely if ever my intent or conscious thought. But again....it's the unlevel ground that we step on when we're not intentional to make sure our foundation is on the Truth of God's Word and His Promises.)

I would love to hear your thoughts on what you feel "waiting in expectation" on the Lord means, and how that plays out in your life.

The Blessing of Brokenness

2011-05-27T22:16:00.000-07:00

I don't know about you, but I've had a rough time here lately emotionally. I've had some relational conflict stuff going on & I don't think anything gets to me more than having unresolved conflict in my life. However, one thing that I've been reminded of lately is

the blessing of brokenness.

What I'm referring to is the sensitivity that comes when you're hurting and choose not to be consumed any longer with self-pity. I'm not saying that it's not valid sometimes, when offenses are made against you, to be hurt and maybe even have the 'right' to be upset. I just think, as believers, that we're called to release those offenses, and by doing so, we give God access to minister to those broken places.

And it's there that He can turn our self-pity into compassion for others - because we can relate to their hurting. Our eyes start to open to others around us that are struggling with the same hurts, and like anyone that has been touched by Jesus, our disease begins to heal, one of mine being blindness. We recognize today what we missed yesterday in our comfortable seclusion, that this world is filled with broken, hurting, lonely people.

I can only speak for myself, but maybe you can relate to my tendency towards oblivion. It's so easy to get caught up in my own little world, even in ministry, and forget that there are people around me that need someone to ask how they are doing - and really mean it. Someone that will ask the question and stand there long enough to get the real response out of them.

It's really not until I need that done for me that I am aware that I can offer that to others. And that it's SO needed.

So, that's what I mean by the blessing of brokenness. When I'm broken, I tend to be more sensitive to the Holy Spirit in ways that I'm not when things are 'good' in my little world. I know that Jesus hurts when I hurt, and I think in the same way, He allows me to hurt with Him for others around me as well - in a very small, minute way, sharing in His suffering (Philippians 3:10).

In times like this, I think about how often I crave comfort and avoid pain, a master at self-protection at times. But I don't realize that the more I avoid some things, the more I desensitize myself to what God would have me open my eyes and heart to, things He's always had His heart and eyes on. What if the very things that I go out of my way to avoid are the same things God intends to use in my life for His purposes, His glory, His renown?

What if the pain has purpose?

What if the brokenness is always a blessing?

In Honor of Mother's Day

2011-05-05T19:12:00.000-07:00

I received this in an email this morning, and loved it. What a message for the many mom's out there, seeking after the Lord on how to raise their kids, yet discouraged and unsure if they are making a difference. Enjoy!

THE INVISIBLE MOTHER

It all began to make sense, the blank stares, the lack of response, the way one of the kids will walk into the room while I'm on the phone and ask to be taken to the store.

Inside I'm thinking, 'Can't you see I'm on the phone?'

Obviously not; no one can see if I'm on the phone, or cooking, or sweeping the floor, or even standing on my head in the corner, because no one can see me at all.

I'm invisible - The Invisible Mom.

Some days I am only a pair of hands, nothing more.

"Can you fix this? Can you tie this? Can you open this?"

Some days I'm not a pair of hands; I'm not even a human being. I'm a clock to ask, "What time is it?"

I'm a satellite guide to answer, "What number is the Disney Channel?"

I'm a car to order, "Right around 5:30, please."

I was certain that these were the hands that once held books and the eyes that studied history and the mind that graduated summa cum laude - but now they had disappeared into the peanut butter, never to be seen again. She's going, she's going, she's gone!

One night, a group of us were having dinner, celebrating the return of a friend from England. Janice had just gotten back from a fabulous trip, and she was going on and on about the hotel she stayed in. I was sitting there, looking around at the others all put together so well.

It was hard not to compare and feel sorry for myself. I was feeling pretty pathetic, when Janice turned to me with a beautifully wrapped package, and said, "I brought you this." It was a book on the great cathedrals of Europe. I wasn't exactly sure why she'd given it to me until I read her inscription:

"To Charlotte, with admiration for the greatness of what you are building when no one sees."

In the days ahead I would read - no, devour - the book. And I would discover what would become for me, four life-changing truths, after which I could pattern my work: No one can say who built the great cathedrals - we have no record of their names. These builders gave their whole lives for a work they would never see finished. They made great sacrifices and expected no credit. The passion of their building was fueled by their faith that the eyes of God saw everything.

A legendary story in the book told of a rich man who came to visit the cathedral while it was being built, and he saw a workman carving a tiny bird on the inside of a beam. He was puzzled and asked the man, "Why are you spending so much time carving that bird into a beam that will be covered by the roof? No one will ever see it."

And the workman replied, "Because God sees."

I closed the book, feeling the missing piece fall into place. It was almost as if I heard God whispering to me, "I see you, Charlotte. I see the sacrifices you make every day, even when no one around you does. No act of kindness you've done, no sequin you've sewn on, no cupcake you've baked, is too small for me to notice and smile over. You are building a great cathedral, but you can't see right now what it will become."

At times, my invisibility feels like an affliction. But it is not a disease that is erasing my life. It is the cure for the disease of my own self-centeredness. It is the antidote to my strong, stubborn pride.

I keep the right perspective when I see myself as a great builder. As one of the people who show up at a job that they will never see finished, to work on something that their name will never be on. The writer of the book went so far as to say that no cathedrals could ever be built in our lifetime because there are so few people willing to sacrifice to that degree.

When I really think about it, I don't want my son to tell the friend he's bringing home from college for Thanksgiving, "My mom gets up at 4 in the morning and bakes homemade pies, and then she hand bastes a turkey for three hours and presses all the linens for the table." That would mean I'd built a shrine or a monument to myself. I just want him to want to come home. And then, if there is anything more to say to his friend, to add, "You're gonna love it there."

As mothers, we are building great cathedrals. We cannot see if we're doing it right. And one day, it is very possible that the world will marvel, not only at what we have built, but at the beauty that has been added to the world by the sacrifices of invisible women.

Practice

2011-05-05T10:04:00.001-07:00

I have just recently started an online small group that is reading through Ann Voskamp's One Thousand Gifts.

(For more information on it, check out her website here.)

It's amazing (& I don't use that word lightly, at least not here). It is a very timely read for me - although with the quality of the book, I think it will speak to anyone at any point in their life.

So - I wanted to share a little something that God has been speaking to me about through the book. Without going into too much detail, for those of you that haven't read it, the context to which I'm referring in the excerpt below is that she's talking about making a list of 1,000 things that she is grateful for - that she appreciates and is choosing to thank God for. She refers to this as receiving God's gifts, when we choose to write them down and acknowledge them as from God.

Anyways, at this point in the book, she is just getting started and is realizing that it seems trivial, to write down little things like appreciating the way that the sun reflects off a blade of grass in light of suffering and tragedies in the world, and she starts to question whether or not this will produce in her a thankful heart that can 'give thanks in all things' as we are commanded to do in 1 Thessalonians 5:18. Anyways, she goes on to realize that it's a starting place, & like all things, we have to practice it until it becomes a way of life, until it develops into a lifestyle of gratitude and genuine thankfulness.

This is what I shared with the group today:

I really liked the quote from page 49, "the moving the ink across the page opens the eyes." Have you eyes been opened to things in your life already that you so often miss?

God gave me a neat analogy first thing Tuesday morning to help this hit home with me personally. I'll admit - I was running behind in my reading, due to company being in town & just allowing myself to totally get out of any type of schedule I try to keep - & so I was just finishing up Chapter 3. What Ann talked about regarding practice was really speaking to me.

Because I hadn't started my list yet, I couldn't relate yet to her comment about feeling that it was becoming a little trivial after a while, and her thoughts about whether or not appreciating the little things would ever lead to a life where she could be thankful in the harder tragedies of life. But I will admit that I could relate to her getting to that point. I could totally see myself questioning the effectiveness of all of this after a while...especially because I am inconsistent & I would start to see my old habits of ingratitude coming through.

Anyways, so I really appreciated that she shared that and that she dug deeper to get past it, instead of just giving up like I think I so often do, before I get to the real heart of the lesson God is trying to teach me.

So - I must practice because this isn't something I'm used to and I don't have the muscle strength yet to hold back the criticisms and tendency towards the negative. And God directed my thoughts towards Natalie, my 10 month old daughter, and how in just the past few days, she's starting walking while holding on to a toy push stroller. I thought about how excited she was, so proud of herself - the joy just flowed out of her. And we were standing around her, cheering her on.

And then God brought to mind Hebrews 12:1, "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us,-"

And how we have a great crowd of witnesses, cheering us as we learn to walk - to stop crawling through our spiritual walk, weighed down by so many things - and learn to stand up and work the muscles required for us to experience the walk, the abundant life, that God intended for us to have through Christ's sacrifice and resurrection! How often do I settle for just crawling through life instead of doing what is required in order to learn to walk - not to mention even run!

And yet God has placed within Natalie, and all of us, this innate desire and knowledge to develop. Jordan and I didn't tell her to start walking - we haven't even really been showing her how. She just knew that there was more than what she was currently experiencing. And spiritually, God has placed in us an innate knowledge that there is more - even if that is now just a whisper because it's been drowned out by this world & deception.

And so Natalie perseveres, even though it's hard for her to stand up and walk, using muscles she's never used before. And she doesn't have the stamina to walk for long - but she gets back up and she tries again later.

Man - what a picture. God sure knows how to get my attention and to speak my language.

And sure enough - I had this great time with God that morning and started my list and was even feeling the joy and excitement that Ann was referring to as she started hers. And then 5 minutes later, I got caught back up in my hurriedness of the morning, & was making negative comments towards my husband about a frustrating situation that was happening. BUT, God in His faithfulness, immediately brought all of this to mind again, and it was like He was saying - 'See - it's going to take practice. That lasted for 5 minutes. We've got to practice to build more stamina.' He knows my tendency to get discouraged and want to give up when I don't see things working. So, I think I will have to cling to Hebrews 12:1 & be reminded that I have my own cheering section in Heaven, & a Savior that daily pleads my case before the throne, to keep me going!

I do love how God speaks to us in ways that He knows are close to our hearts - like the joy I experience for & with my daughter as she's learning new things.

Thank you, Abba Father, for being so personal!

Beautiful

2011-04-27T12:19:00.001-07:00

My daughter crawled over to me this afternoon, while I was sitting in front of my computer, and reached up for me to pull her into my lap. She was hungry, and then fell asleep shortly after eating. As I was rocking her, I had one of those moments that's almost painful - just holding her tightly and thinking about how

beautiful

she is. And I thought of how many mothers have had those same moments, the same thoughts. He/she is so

beautiful.

I remember when she was small enough to just lay there on my chest while I rocked. Now her long, thin legs curl around my waist and her lanky arms drap around mine. And we rock. And she breathes on my cheek. And I try my best to take it in. To find a place in my heart where I can store it & pull it back out later, when she's even more grown up.

But I leak. My heart is forgetful and those moments seem to slip away, not available for me to quickly retrieve. How much more important that I choose to live in the present with her now, then trying to hold on to those ever allusive moments?

Will she ever know how much I adore her?

My mind then shifts to the fact that I'm made in the image of my Creator, my Father in Heaven. And I get my capacity to love her, however imperfectly on this side of heaven, from Him. Because He loves. I love because He loves.

And He thinks I'm beautiful. He takes in my moments, as I hold tightly to hers, and I bet He thinks, "Why doesn't she accept the fact that I adore her?"

Why is it so hard for me/us to accept that we could be loved and adored the same way that we feel that towards those closest to us? Our hearts are broken with sin. We leak. Yet we feel these things, however imperfectly. How much more does He who is whole, One, love and feel these things towards us?

It may be a little backwards, but maybe as I learn to love her and show her how much I do, I'll learn a little bit more of how much I'm loved as well.

God Chose Tragedy

2011-04-21T11:42:00.000-07:00

Two Thousand plus years ago, God chose to save the world through Tragedy.

The tragedy - Jesus' Crucifixion. His Son dying, brutally beaten and savagely nailed to a cross.

There was no last minute substitute given, no ram in a bush that God revealed at the eleventh hour.

Because He was the Ram - better yet, the Precious Lamb of God.

Pure. Spotless. Perfect. Sufficient.

We were supposed to be on that cross. We were the ones that were given a substitute at the eleventh hour.

We have been saved from tragedy. Through the tragic death of Jesus, the payment for our sin.

BUT that's not the end of the story!

Jesus rose from the grave on the 3rd day, shaming the attempts of this world to hold back the Almighty plans of Heaven that were put into action the day that Eve took that first bite.

God planned this from the beginning, because He knew the end.

He knew we'd need a Savior. He knew that He's have to give up the One that He most dearly loved in order to save those that He dearly loves.

He chose tragedy to save us.

God choosing to save the world through tragedy brings purpose & HOPE to how He can use our own personal tragedies today.

There is always more to the story than we can see. More going on even as Eve and Adam were being escorted out of the garden. Even as Jesus was being escorted down the Via Dolorosa (the Way of Suffering).

There is more to the story of what you're facing today.

There is Hope.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope."-Jeremiah 29:11

Have I loved like this lately?

2011-04-21T10:35:00.000-07:00

My husband & I have started discussing Andrew Murray's Daily Devotional at night, and it's been a good time of connecting on a spiritual level & discussing how we receive these little snippets of truth. We have different learning styles and so often God speaks to us in different ways that this is a simple way we can connect over some of God's truths together.

The other night, we read one on laying down our will for God's will. And it made me realize that I haven't heard that message in a while. Yes, it's a common theme sewn into many devotionals and blog posts, but honestly, sometimes I think I miss it. I tend to like the nice, soft, encouraging statements that maybe confirm that I'm on the right path, or at least don't seem to be really stifling what I am currently doing or wanting to do.

Isn't that just like the flesh, to even go after the truth of God's Word in a way that doesn't hurt, or harm, or even come close to the conclusion that that very same flesh needs to be crucified?

Crucified. Put to death. In a painful way.

The devotional went on to focus on the importance of approaching situations in humility, even recognizing relational conflicts as opportunities for God's grace to become apparent. Choosing to not default into defending my own ground or feel I need to stand firmly on my own plot of perspective. Real Humility allows us to listen and truly hear what the other person is saying (not just to come up with our rebuttal, but really to take into consideration what they're saying and where they're coming from). Humility reminds us that we're no better than anyone else because we're aware of our need for Him. For grace. For the forgiveness & patience & love that He's calling us to offer to that person in front of us.

Have I loved like that lately?

"This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children, let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth." -1 John 3:16-18

Have I loved in a way that required something of me?

Because maybe it's not really love unless it does require something of us? Something that isn't naturally inspired and easy to give.

I don't know - I'm not a philosopher or theologian and don't pretend to be one. But I just know that from the passage above - I take that kind of love to be hard. To be something that is born out of prayer and a close walk with Jesus. A fruit that can only be produced if we are connected to the One True Vine.

Actions & in Truth. No hollow words. No poignant phrases. No going-through-the-motion moves.

Lord, please open my eyes to a greater revelation of what Your love looks like. I am so comfortable in my flesh, in myself, & Your love is not comfortable - it's not pretty and all wrapped up in a nice little box. It's messy and hard. It's a blood-stained cross and scars.

Only in You can I even have a desire for that. Infuse my heart with courage to desire the life that You want to live through me. And help me to surrender my will to that. To choose sacrifice, knowing that in that sacrifice, I'm the one that truly gains.

Thank You, Jesus, for the price you paid years ago that we celebrate this coming Easter weekend. Thank You for the road you walked so that we could walk with You, in eternity, forever, on those streets paved in gold!

Amen.

Weakness

2011-04-19T08:17:00.000-07:00

I've been reminded lately of the unique opportunity we have in those moments when we're experiencing

weakness

to turn our gaze on Jesus.

To turn the focus of our heart and mind to Him, to be reminded that it's in those moments that we can be the

strongest

we've ever been, because His strength is made perfect in our weakness.

It's the truth. We can bet our life on it & build our life out of it.

When my knees are knocking, what better time to bow them and allow Jesus to fortify my foundation.

Take that, Satan! Just when you think you've got me...when I'm anxious and trembling and looking to the left or the right, I can be reminded that it's in those moments that I can experience the truth of God's Word in my life, practically and applicably.

So - how do you turn your gaze, when you're tempted to be looking around - at others' reactions of you, at yourself & your own failures?

Prayer. Even a one-word prayer.

"Jesus."

It sets our minds on the One that can set us back on our feet. Reminds our hearts that we have a Father in Heaven the loves us, and a Savior that daily pleads our case. Replaces the whispers of doubt with bold assurance that we're not abandoned, left helpless to do things on our own.

Weakness can be redefined in God's Kingdom. And so can we!

Kari Jobe "You Are For Me" from Nathan Corrona on Vimeo.

Faith Decay (Persevere - Part 2)

2011-04-14T08:27:00.000-07:00

I read a blog post recently that gave words to a thought I've had for a while now -

the thought that when we 'know' God's Word, His Truth - and by know, I mean intellectually - but we don't ever put it into practice - we don't experience the truth of it - that we open ourselves up to doubt.

Doubt -faith decay

We allow room for our broken, fallen nature & the enemy to come in and question whether or not what we know to be real is really real.

Does it really mean something?

Does it really transform lives?

Because it's not transforming me...it's not changing my life. It's not making others thirsty around me for what I have.

I think this happens a lot when we don't persevere in what God has put before us. We don't experience the power and the blessing and the Presence of God like we would if we were obedient to put our hands to the tasks He sets before us.

Now, please don't misunderstand me. I'm a grace girl. It's by grace that I have been saved, through faith, not of anything that I have done, but by a gift from God Almighty, not by works - so I can never boast that I have done it. (Ephesians 2:8-9)

I absolutely believe that God has made a way for me to be reunited with Him & my life is to be lived in response to that, as a living sacrifice (Romans 12:1-2).

What I'm referring to today is the truth of Ephesians 2:10, "For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do."

We were created to do good things - things that allow us to experience God's Truth, His Power, His Presence, all around us.

"Things" that show others that don't know God around us that He is real. That He is love.

And I think that sometimes we, I, forfeit those experiences - those faith-building, God-confirming experienced when I don't follow through on the "good works" that He has set before me to do.

And maybe worst yet - others don't experience Him in ways that they could if I were.

Can you relate?

But there is Hope! Today is a new day! A new day to experience God's Truth by persevering in what He has put before me to do!

"My soul continually remembers it and is bowed down within me. But this I call to mind, and therefore I have hope: The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases; His mercies never come to an end; they are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. "The LORD is my portion," says my soul, "therefore I will hope in Him." - Lamentations 3:20-24

Persevere - Part 1

2011-04-14T08:02:00.000-07:00

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." -Galatians 6:9

Persevere in doing good - don't give up! Press in and take hold of God's promises.

Sometimes - most of the time - I don't follow through with my own, personal goals.

Sometimes -most of the time - I think that I forfeit what God offers on the other end because I don't finish.

I start out, zealous and motivated. And then slowly, gradually, I start to lose sight of where I'm headed. I allow other things, maybe even 'good' things, to enter my schedule, my time, my attention - and I stop. I don't experience God in ways I could have if I had

but

persevered.

Can you relate? Are there promises in God's word that you don't feel you've ever taken hold of?

Benefits that He has to offer that you've never felt were bestowed on you?

Can you look back and see where maybe you got distracted from pursuing them, pursuing Him?

"You will seek Me and find Me, when you seek Me with all your heart. I will be found by you, declares the LORD" - Jeremiah 29:13-14a

We have a God that can be found! He doesn't hide from us, but beckons us to Himself and even draws us to Himself.

"Draw near to Me, and I will draw near to you." James 4:8

Galatians 6 states that we will reap what we sow. If we persevere in doing good, in seeking God's way, we will reap God's way - His benefits, His blessings, Himself.

The Prince of Peace becomes our Peace.

Jehovah Rapha, the Healer, becomes our health.

The great Comforter becomes our comfort.

"But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ and be found in Him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith. I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of His resurrection and participation in His sufferings (Lord, help me to desire this), becoming like Him in his death, and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead.

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." - Philippians 3:7-14

Blessed

2011-04-11T11:33:00.000-07:00

I got the opportunity to meet up with a group of women that, about 2-3 years ago, were a frequent source of encouragement & support to me. These women from my old Wednesday night small group helped me through a lot of 'stuff' back then, and I'm very grateful for these women. But as I said, it's been a while since we've had the pleasure of meeting together weekly, and thankfully, God provided an evening that we could carve out a few hours to reconnect with each other.

It was a sweet, precious time of fellowship. One my heart needed badly.

Anyways, one of the women had their little girl with her. She's newly married, but has been a single mom for some years now.

Strength, that's all I can say, especially now having my own. I can't imagine doing it without my husband.

Her little girl had just gotten back from a visit with her dad, who has custody of her older sister. At one point in the evening, as we all sat outside enjoying the beautiful spring evening, she came and crawled up in her mother's lap, obviously sad about something. And they whispered together as she held her, swinging back and forth in the porch swing. As they whispered , I couldn't help but sit back and observe.

Since Nat was born, I find myself intrigued at watching other parents and their interactions with their kids.

Then the little girl started to cry, and my friend told her, "Honey, it's okay to be sad. I know you miss your sister." As tears rolled down her cheeks, her mom reached over and softly wiped them away.

It was a beautiful, heart-wrenching moment. Motherly comfort. Reassurance that what she was feeling was okay, but that she was also there to help her through it - to not stay there.

It made me think about Natalie. It made me realize that it will tear my heart in two when she cries, and I can't fix it. When I can't make the feelings go away. But it also made me realize that I have been blessed. I get to be the one to pull her into my lap, to hold her and wipe away her tears.

WOW. Really? Why me? Why do I get the honor of care-giving for this priceless, precious little girl?

Humbled, I prayed a prayer of gratitude, thanking God for all that He has given me.

When life is so busy, it's easy to lose sight of all the unique, amazing moments we've been given, opportunities to step into the roles that God has placed us in & to fulfill a little bit of the purpose He has for us. Being a part of His story -wiping one tear away at a time.

You pay for convenience

2011-04-07T06:47:00.000-07:00

This thought came to mind the other morning as I was getting ready for work - just a seemingly random thought at the time. However, as I contemplated it more, this phrase I've heard before - that you pay for convenience, it hit me in a new way. We do pay for convenience....we pay more money for the newest gadgets that offer the promise that they'll save us time or effort, will help us accomplish what we need to do in a faster, more efficient way.

And believe me, I like faster and efficient. I don't like to waste my time doing something if it can be done in a 'better' way.

But I just wonder if I've ever really counted the cost of convenience - not just financially - but what I'm giving up when I'm doing things 'the easier way.' What experiences am I now able to avoid that God may have used to build my character, to grow my discipline, to produce perseverance in me? What depths in relationships do I miss by sending quick text messages and emails, instead of taking the time to even make a phone call or sit down over coffee? What am I now exempt from because the easy way is available, more accessible than ever?

"Enter through the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and spacious and broad is the way that leads away to destruction, and many are those who are entering through it." - Matthew 7:13

And I think about my daughter - all the conveniences this world will offer her - and what she may miss out on because of this.

Lord, please grant us (me) wisdom and discernment to choose what is best over what is available and permissible, to choose Your way over the world's and even my way. Give us Kingdom eyes to know what is of real value.

In Jesus' Name I pray and place my trust,
-jh

Lord, please

Unplugging

2011-01-31T11:01:00.001-08:00

I'm unplugging from
the things that keep me from You,
that draw away my attention, my time....my heart.

I'm unplugging from
the sources that tell me to compare,
to rate myself against someone I was never meant to be,
and to forget that I find my identity in You.

I'm choosing to
not go to those places anymore
that produce anxiety and fear
because they speak lies about Who you've created me to be.

I'm unplugging from
the world
and
instead
I'm choosing to plug into Truth.

A Blogger's Prayer

2011-01-22T20:00:00.001-08:00

My best friend sent me this link today, and I wholeheartedly agree with it. I did not start this blog to do anything more than to create a medium for me to 'journal' in a new way, one that would hopefully encourage those that run across it and challenge me to be more open, honest, & willing to be humbled by admiting my struggles and faults, in the hopes that it would bless someone else that reads it. (I also LOVE spiritual growth discussions, so that is just a side benefit if others choose to engage in the topic.)

A Blogger's Prayer (Upside Down Blogging)

I can't vouch for anything else on this person's blog, although I would expect that it would be nothing but uplifting, and I hope to discover more of it soon!

Praying your day is encouraging,
-jenny

New Webcast study

2011-01-18T06:37:00.000-08:00

So- I have every intention of sharing about this new web cast that I've started watching with a few close friends soon! I'm very excited about it, and hope that you will check it out! It's not just about dieting or eating healthy, but about approaching life in a healthy way and keeping things in their proper place - and allowing God to be our first priority and greatest desire.

So, that's coming soon! But please check out the MadeToCrave Website for more information if you're interested!

Made to Crave Webcast

2011-01-10T17:49:00.001-08:00

I just started this new study called "Made to Crave" that has a free web cast on Monday evenings at 8:00PM EST on www.madetocrave.org. I'm especially excited because I have a few friends that will also be logging on to watch, and then being able to discuss it together! This is my new women's 'small group' right now since Natalie still young, and I don't want to commit to being out of the house one night a week right now.

So, please check this out if you're in the need of some extra encouragement or interested in the topic of learning how to approach food and dieting in a healthy way, and ultimately craving God above all else.

More thoughts on this later - just wanted to get this out there in case anyone wants to join in!

If you want to see tonight's web cast, they will re-air it again on the website tomorrow, Tuesday, January 11th at noon and 3:00PM.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this if you want to share!

Practicing Stillness

2011-01-08T11:13:00.000-08:00

My sweet husband got me a New Mom's Devotional Bible for Christmas. He surprised me by adding it to my stocking - the one 'gift' we get each other that we don't know what it will be. It's usually candy & some other goodies - like one year he surprised me with a deck of cards, but instead of the playing cards, he had replaced them with gift cards to my favorite restaurants and coffee places, bookstores, etc. He's actually really good at gift-giving and thinking of good, creative, fitting gifts for folks.

Anyways, I cracked it open this morning for like the 3rd time since I got it...praying that God will help me be more consistent with my time in the Word & prayer this year. I find myself defaulting to reading devotional emails and blog posts as my 'personal devotion time' during the day - which isn't bad in and of itself, but I definitely want to actually have His Word in the palm of my hands more often. There's something to be said about that tangible act and being intentional to get into a quiet environment to meet with the Creator of the Universe (wow!) instead of trying to squeeze in some edification and encouragement at my office at work for 5 minutes. I think God meets us wherever we seek Him, but whether or not I'm really able to 'meet with Him' in those environments is another story...

Anyways, this nifty little Bible has some extras added to it - like pages with topical little devotions with 1 minute, 5-minute, and 10-minute versions, depending on what kind of 'mommy' day you are having and the time you have at the moment. The one I opened up to this morning is based on Psalm 46 - and was entitled "Stillness." I immediately knew that this was not a coincidence. Especially with working from home 3 days a week now, I find myself rarely sitting down and being still - even in the quietness of my own home. There is always something to be done and something in sight that is beckoning for my attention. I find myself starting one task and getting sidetracked by another in the middle of the 1st...and such goes my life with my new 'mommy ADD' that I've succumbed to. Rarely can I finish a thought, let along a task, without getting caught up in the next thought or task.

And a perfect example is this blog post! HA! Okay, focus, Jenny, focus...

Psalm 46 - this Psalm screams of God's sovereignty despite the busyness and chaos we may be experiencing. It exclaims in verse 1 that "God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in times of trouble." I've read this more than few times, but this morning the truth of the statement that He is ever-present, ever available for us just when we need Him- that hit home with me in such a sweet, confirming way.

I had just finished writing an email to a sweet, close friend who I have not been able to see or talk to much lately, and was just telling her how I desire to be more available in 2011 - to God, to my family, and especially to my friends when they need to talk, vent, or just need to get out of the house and have coffee with someone. And it's awesome to know that we have a God who IS AVAILABLE. He is there and willing to meet with me, despite the fact that I fail so often to even seek Him or get into His Word. He IS AVAILABLE to hear my worries, my complaints, my ventings - and then my subsequent "I'm sorry for my attitude" prayers. He doesn't get tied up with other things and start to listen to me and get distracted by the next task that is calling. He IS THERE, always.

Selah. Let's take a minute to let that sink in.

Then, moving into verse 2 - as if verse 1 isn't enough to meditate on for the rest of the year and then some...it goes on to say that because HE IS AVAILABLE, FAITHFUL, THERE -"therefore we will not fear" - (meaning, we choose to claim the truth of verse 1 and trust Him, and therefore choose to not give into fear) - "though the earth gives way..." Even when the very foundation under you seems to be shaking and falling away - when the job you've had for the past 10+ years is no longer there, when the relationship that you've relied on for so long isn't there to lean on anymore - when the thing in your life and your heart that you so often place your trust in for stability and comfort isn't offering that stability and comfort anymore. He IS THERE.

"and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea..." What mountains in your life - those huge, seemingly permanent structures - have changed? Disappeared? Proven to not be so study?

The message that I'm receiving loud and clear this morning is that God is there despite the chaos and craziness and hectic-ness of my own life, schedule, mind, and heart. He is there for me to lean back on, unchanging, unshaken, not disturbed by the latest 'new' change in my life. He is my mountain and my rock and the foundation under my feet. He is the ONLY one that can offer this promise and follow through with it. He is FAITHFUL.

Sometimes , I just have to claim these truths over my competing thoughts & emotions. I have to just write (or type) out what I know in my heart to be true - get these truths back in front of eyes so they can once again transform and renew my mind.

And in the same way, I have to choose to be still - to step back and gain perspective on what is a priority and what isn't, to allow God to start ordering my day and the to-do list, showing me what ranks higher on that list and what, even though it may scream the loudest, doesn't really matter that much. Even though clutter can be pretty loud for a girl with OCD tendencies, I know that in the long run it doesn't make a difference whether it's picked up today or tomorrow, but there is a huge difference in my life on whether or not I choose to pick up the Word tomorrow instead of today.

"Be still & know that I am God; I WILL be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." v.10

I pray that today you can find a little 'stillness' and take some time to take in the fact that God is there, waiting to meet with you!

Family Pictures

2011-01-07T20:41:00.000-08:00

So, I'm not surprised that I have not been back on to post anything in a while. Ah well, the best of intentions...December was a full month for our little family. Natalie had her first trip to the ER with a pretty vicious stomach bug, but thankfully that is all behind us now. Christmas time is also a pretty busy time at the church, so that adds to the craziness of the season as well - but a good crazy. I'm very thankful to be on staff there!
We did get our pictures taken together as a family for the first time, besides random shots around the house, and I'm very excited with how they turned out! Two co-workers (& very talented photographers) took them for free as extra practice for them, and we were glad to be on the receiving end of their learning experience! Here's a few below, and then you can see more on my facebook page.

At this rate, this isn't ending up to be a very exciting post - but I mainly just wanted to share the pictures. :)

I hope y'all had a great Christmas! I'm personally looking forward to all that God has in store for us in this new year - and pray that "the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit" in 2011. (Romans 15:13)

Finally...

2010-12-04T20:08:00.000-08:00

Okay....after a really long break, I've decided I want to take another crack at this blogging business. I've had a lot of changes happen since the last time I've done this - and hopefully a little bit more inspiration to draw from (or at least some funny stories to share).

First of all, I've had my first baby (yay)! Her name is Natalie Kaylen Harwood and she is one of the main joys of my life! I look forward to sharing this first Christmas season with her!

Please forgive me as I learn how to add pictures, etc...I'm totally new at this and have lots to learn.

I am still working - 2 days in the office and 3 days at home with little bit, so I'm not sure how reguarly I will be able to keep this up, but I hope to be able to do this on a regular basis. I know that I learn best and that God speaks to me most when I'm journaling out my thoughts -although I will admit that it's a little nerve-racking to think about doing this live - but this whole walk with Him is a journey and I can definitely use all the help I can get. Especially in this new season of motherhood. So, if any of you happen to have ran across this blog and for some reason continue to read it, please feel free to share your thoughts, questions, contradictions, etc. Iron sharpens iron - and as most new moms I have spoken with lately would concur - I'm not feeling too sharp these days. :)

More later -

"Teach me to do Your will, for You are my God; Let Your good Spirit lead me on level ground." - Psalm 143:10

The Arrow and the Roadblock

2009-09-24T07:15:00.001-07:00

The thought occurred to me this morning, in only the way that God can lead my thoughts, that I have been given an amazing opportunity to influence people and encourage people. And I'm not alone in this - we all do.

Take a step back from your situation for a minute - & try to look at all that is in your life right now, job, hobbies, activities, relationships. Think about the people you come in contact with everyday. What if the purpose for all of it is to make sure you're standing by Joe at Starbucks on Thursday morning at 8:06 to smile and say good morning. What if it's about the people that God has placed in your life that are so difficult, that if you were to be honest, you try to avoid when possible - but what if there was purpose in those encounters as well - to mold and make you, but also to sharpen that other person by your lifestyle.

I just think that I miss it, being so focused on the details, that there is this whole mesh of events intersecting in my life to fulfill exactly what God wants to do - and it's my choice whether or not I'm willing to be used by Him, aware that its even happening, or to stick my head back into the sand of details and issues. Of course - there needs to be balance in this, but if you're like me, you just swing between extremes most of the times that that this is what I need to hear to re-correct my perspective.

But so often, I personally get caught up in my routine, being the detail-oriented person that I am, and get so focused on the obstacles and issues in my life that need to be worked out that I forget that all around me are people that I could be used to encourage, to challenge, to point to God.

What is it that God has uniquely designed you to do? Do you make people laugh easily? Do you draw people out in conversation by your willingness to listen and ask probing questions? Do you have this quirkiness about you that inspires others' creativity just by the way you express yours? It's not there just for you to enjoy - God's placed it there to connect you to those other people, to encourage and influence them for His purpose - and He'll use them if we let Him. If we're willing to be aware that He's already at work all around us, and is inviting us to join Him.

Scripture says that we long for Him, whether we see it as a longing to be comforted or to be rescued or to be affirmed- He is the sum total of all that we need and could ever want. AND when He uses what He has given us to reveal Himself to others, they will be drawn to us - and what will be give them in return? Where we will direct them from there?

In college, the analogy came to me of an arrow and a roadblock bench (is that what they're called - those things they set up in roads to block the path - like on all the flooded streets in GA at the moment). I was walking on-campus at UCF, which at the time was always under construction, and had been struggling with yet again another failed relationship. By this time, God had gotten a hold of me enough to have at least dated a Christian guy. But it just didn't seem to really have a different outcome than the rest - disappointed expectations, going in different directions, etc.

Anyways, as I'm walking past these roadblock signs, it occurs to me that this is what I felt was happening symbolically when I entered into these relationships, that as I'm walking with God and trying to follow His lead, I was getting distracted down these relationship paths that ended up at a dead-end, an impasse. And so being the black and white thinker that I am, I immediately concluded that this was God's sign to me that He was calling me to singleness in my life. (yeah, dramatic, i know) - But then He continued to speak, which is often my problem, i jump to conclusions before He's had a chance to finish communicating His thoughts to me.

He told me that I could find an arrow, someone that I could be in relationship with that would continually point me back to Him. That is wouldn't be about someone ever fulfilling all my needs, or me theirs, but that it would be someone that God used in my life to remind me that He is my Source, and if he chooses to use that man to meet some of my needs, great. But if not, He is still my Source and it's not the purpose of a relationship, anyways.

All this relates in that it's stuck with me - not just in the context of romantic relationships - but in who I want to be to other people, and who I ultimately want to be around. Those individuals that are used by God to reveal more of who He is, and then continually point you back to Him. It means that they don't go glory-seeking for credit, or try to even meet/fix your problems themselves, but they recognize their own depravity & need for Christ, and encourage you to go to Him as well. And it means being so filled up by God, allowing Him to teach me that my worth is in Him, that when I am used by God, it doesn't become a threat to me - that I don't start thinking that my 'usefulness' to God dictates my worth now.

So - that is what I want to be - an arrow - and that is who I feel challenged to be this morning, if God chooses in His infinite grace and mercy to use me to reveal more of Him to someone else, that it wouldn't really be about me at all - but just pointing people back to their Maker, their Lover, their Redeemer, their Friend, their Comforter - to the One that is able to meet whatever need drew them in in the first place.

And we have that opportunity, even today, to point people back to Him!

^{Ephesians 5:15-17 -}Look carefully then how you walk! Live purposefully and worthily and accurately, not as the unwise and witless, but as wise (sensible, intelligent people), Making the very most of the time [buying up each opportunity], because the days are evil. Therefore do not be vague and thoughtless and foolish, but understanding and firmly grasping what the will of the Lord is.

Persevere

2009-09-23T10:21:00.000-07:00

I am feeling the need, with my lack of motivation/desire to do anything and nothing, to persevere, to remember what it was that God said last to focus on, and to do that faithfully while waiting for Him to reveal more of Himself. To stand firm in the things that I know He has asked me to do - be kind, faithful, generous, patient, loving - which could keep me busy for the rest of my life, and pray that He will complete these things in me as I wait.

I'm also feeling the need to cling to His Word, not because of its benefits to me anymore, but because it's Truth, it's solid, it's unchanging, it's my only Hope of maneuvering through this world with any purpose. So often I convince myself of the reasons why I should be obedient because of the benefits of said obedience, instead of just saying, "I love you, Daddy, and therefore I will obey. You are Lord, and have the right to my life."

I was challenged by this today from an email that I received through this online mentoring program that I get the blessing and challenge of being a participating in. The girl was telling me that she's heard all these reasons as to why she shouldn't have pre-marital sex, from God's Word, from other believers, etc., but even as a believer herself, she isn't convinced, not even by the Holy Spirit inside of her that convicts of every time she has sex with her boyfriend.

When did we make Christianity about our benefit and not about being obedient to what God's Word says? When did we make not have pre-marital sex more about avoid STDs than doing it because God says to honor the marriage bed? We accept His salvation greatly and gratefully, but we rejected His Lordship from the get-go with our attitudes of convenient obedience.

Maybe the 'we' really is just me - because I can only speak for myself - but I'm being challenged today, as Joshua was, to answer "As for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." -not serve my flesh, not serve my emotions, not serve my reputation or what others think of me - but serve the Lord, give Him my life, my time, my desires, my money - all of it.

"But remember, dear friends, that the apostles of our Master, Jesus Christ, told us this would happen: "In the last days there will be people who don't take these things seriously anymore. They'll treat them like a joke, and make a religion of their own whims and lusts." These are the ones who split churches, thinking only of themselves. There's nothing to them, no sign of the Spirit!

But you, dear friends, carefully build yourselves up in this most holy faith by praying in the Holy Spirit, staying right at the center of God's love, keeping your arms open and outstretched, ready for the mercy of our Master, Jesus Christ. This is the unending life, the real life!

Go easy on those who hesitate in the faith. Go after those who take the wrong way. Be tender with sinners, but not soft on sin. The sin itself stinks to high heaven.

And now to him who can keep you on your feet, standing tall in his bright presence, fresh and celebrating—to our one God, our only Savior, through Jesus Christ, our Master, be glory, majesty, strength, and rule before all time, and now, and to the end of all time. Yes."
- Jude 1:15-25

I personally want to see God

2009-09-20T20:45:00.001-07:00

So, God has been continually bringing my attention back to the issue of purity, specifically regarding the struggle today that people are having (Christians included) with pornography and sexual sins. This is definitely not a topic that I am comfortable with, with my somewhat shy, reserved nature, but when God gives you a passion for something and persists in leading you towards it, at some point you just have to surrender to it if you want to go with Him.

Anyways, I was burdened again tonight with the fact that so many believers seem so desensitized to the sexuality that they promote, the lack of clothing that they wear, etc., as though they have no idea what this does to men, even their brothers in Christ, or that they don't care. I choose to give them the benefit of the doubt that they have just been so exposed to the sensuality of TV/media, etc., that they no longer see the danger of it, and it just has slowly crept its way into their wardrobe and behavior.

But it burdens my heart for two reasons in particular. One, the immense struggle that people have, mainly guys, when it comes to being visually oriented, and seeing women wearing revealing clothing and acting in a provocative manner, especially when they are in an environment that is supposed to offer safety and shelter from this.

Secondly, it burdens my heart for these women, who for whatever reason, have fallen into the lie that they need to act this way for attention, or have just been so deceived into not seeing how it affects others around them. And in this, they miss so much of what God offers to those that desire and seek after purity of mind, heart, & body.

I've always been told that I'm 'too sensitive' and so often have felt as though this was a huge weakness personally. But I've come to see more and more of God's purpose in creating me this way, that not in my own righteousness do I have the ability to see this, but in the specific way that He has created me that enables me to be set apart by my sensitivity to these issues to see it more clearly. Lord knows that I have had my days behind me, and even some days more recently in terms of my heart's condition, that have been far from pure. But He has also blessed me with some experiences of Him that result from giving up certain things that were desensitizing me to Him, and once you have a taste of His goodness, you don't want to turn back.

Anyways, i find myself so often responding in my flesh to others' lack of purity, angered and frustrated by it, as though it's a personal offense. But the Lord is slowing changing my heart to see that so often we're blinded to these kind of things, and in the same way that I did not draw myself out of my own pits, others don't have the ability to either, except through surrender to God, that is.

And it was very cool because tonight He led me to some verses of purity that can better help me to pray for myself, my marriage, and others around me by speaking God's truth to it. He is the One that opens our eyes to reveal Truth, and the battle that we face is spiritual, so allowing myself to get frustrated or disappointed at individuals is just missing the point.

This is not to say that we, as believers, once we have learned the Truth that we don't have personal responsibility in how we respond to this. I believe that we are called to pursue holiness, which necessitates purity, with all that is within us, in order to walk in the Spirit, abide in God, and to fulfill the purposes that He sets before us through His Spirit. And I believe that we forfeit this intimate nature of fellowship, the higher calling on our lives, when we settle for a remote relationship hindered by the ways that we settle for the lesser, impure things of this world.

^{2 Timothy 2:20 - 21

"}But in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver, but also [utensils] of wood and earthenware, and some for honorable and noble [use] and some for menial and ignoble [use]. So whoever cleanses himself [from what is ignoble and unclean, who separates himself from contact with contaminating and corrupting influences] will [then himself] be a vessel set apart and useful for honorable and noble purposes, consecrated and profitable to the Master, fit and ready for any good work."

Scripture says that if we pursue our own desires long enough, the Lord will give us over to them. We will no longer hunger for the things of Him and no longer remember what it was like to experience anything better. It's the anesthetic nature of sin - numbing us to the Truth for a while, but it never lasts forever, and we have to continue to go back to these broken cisterns to try to get another swig before we start to feel the pain and hint of emptiness in it.

consecrated - set apart, distinct from its surroundings

Does your life look consecrated? Does mine? Do we stand out like a light on a hill, because our purity and integrity speak so loudly for themselves, or do people only know that we're Christians because we say that we go to church, attend a Bible study, pray before a meal? Do non-believers even see Christians as different anymore?

I challenge you to seek out personally what God's Word says about purity - the promises offered those that pursue it, the benefits provided by those that abide there, and the dangers that come when we so easily forsake it. And until we can get freed from the bondage that this type of deception offers us, we're never going to be able to reach out to the world around us to offer them anything other than a sympathetic handshake and nod, because we know what it's like because we're right there with them. I personally want to "see God" (Matthew 5:8).

Isaiah 61

2009-09-18T10:31:00.000-07:00

"The Spirit of the Lord GOD is upon me,
because the LORD has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor;
he has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted,
to proclaim liberty to the captives,
and the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
to proclaim the year of the LORD’s favor,
and the day of vengeance of our God;
to comfort all who mourn;
to grant to those who mourn in Zion—
to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes,
the oil of gladness instead of mourning,
the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit;
that they may be called oaks of righteousness,
the planting of the LORD, that he may be glorified."

-Isaiah 61:1-3

Inside Out - Part 1

2009-09-17T13:50:00.000-07:00

I'm re-reading "Inside Out" by Dr. Larry Crabb, which I HIGHLY recommend! I read it in college, and believe that God used it as an instrument to open my eyes to not only more of myself, my tendencies, and why I was the way I was/am, but also my absolute love for psychology and being able to help identify these truths to help people recover, heal, and live as God intended them to live.

I don't have much time at the moment to go in-depth, but wanted to share a few quotes that I've come across so far that I feel are pretty powerful.

I do give fair warning that once you've read this book, there is no going back. It's a pandora's box of sorts, opening your eyes to things that sometimes are a lot easier not knowing - ignorance is bliss, as some may say - but in this case, ignorance is what keeps us from truly stepping into the Life that Christ offers. To know Him is to love Him, and to love Him is to be obedient...and how can we know, love, or obey without first hearing? without first being introduced to Truth?

Anyways - more to come -

"When we succeed at arranging our life so that 'all is well,' we keep ourselves from facing all that's going on inside. We rearrange rather than change, and in doing so, we never become the transformed person God calls us to be. We never experience freedom from destructive patterns of living."

"Biblical change never requires us to pretend that things are better than they are. Christ wants us to face reality as it is, including all our fears, hurts, resentments, and self-protective motives we work hard to keep out of sight, and to emerge as changed people. Not pretenders. Not perfect. But more able to deeply love because we're more aware of His love."

Much love,
jh

sweet time

2009-09-10T20:36:00.000-07:00

Definitely been a while since I've blogged - besides just being a very busy season of my life, I think that I've allowed a lesser outlet to take the place of my blog. I put it that way because I only realized it tonight - that God has given me this desire to write and sometimes I feel the closest to Him when I write - and it's like I've substituted challenging myself with this blog for the occasional revelation I can share via twitter in 40 words or less....as if that is somehow going to make me feel connected to God, or all me to use the gifts that He's given me - the desire that He's put in me to encourage and share what amazing things I experience with Him, and to hopefully be a light for someone else to find Him just as irresistible as I do. It's like when I'm writing, He reveals things as my fingers are hitting the keyboard, and I walk away refreshed and renewed and enlightened. I pray that it doesn't stop there - that others can experience the same through it - but ultimately, you just gotta do what God puts before you and let Him take care of the results, right?

Anyhow - I'm saying no to the quick fix of twitter and facebook to appease my desire, my God-given desire, to share what He is doing in my life. So, no offense to any of you frequent fbers or those that tweet to your hearts content, it's just not enough for me anymore. :) I want more of His revelation in my life than just a 5 second tweet and then I'm off and running.

~~~~~~
It's 11:30, & of course, I'm wide awake. God made me a night owl, and I'm never more awake and seemingly alive than when it's dark outside, but I'm in a safe place. But so often, it's not about my physical environment, but that sweet refuge that He offers, because there's something about night that opens up my heart. I don't know if its the same for most people, or women, should I say, but it just seems that I'm more in tune with my emotions at night. "In tune" is probably a gentle way of putting it - some may see it as emotional or overly sensitive. But I guess tonight, I can at least see the positive sides to it.

It's at these times that I feel the most alive towards God - an intimacy with Him, as I'm acknowledging what I'm truly feeling - what my busy day has hidden from me and what now comes to the surface because I have no more energy to expend to try to hide it or push it down. And it's in these times that His arms are wide open, beckoning me to come, sit back, and just be with Him.

I've run across an amazingly powerful worship song that I haven't heard in years - it was one of the first songs I can remember listening to in High School, when I was seeking awkwardly and frailly (is that even a word?) after the Lord, and it was one of those songs that just spoke of the passion that I felt, and the commitment that I desired to have with the Lord. It is "I Surrender All" by Clay Crosse.

I couldn't find another version of it online that you can listen except this one,
http://www.rhapsody.com/clay-crosse/i-surrender-all

What is it about songs, about music, that just speaks to our souls? What is it about the gift of artists that can write lyrics that describe what you have never been able to put into words yourself, and you immediately know that if you could just sit down & talk with them for 5 minutes, you'd know that you could connect on such a deeper level than some of your closest friends...because they speak your language.

Anyways, so I've been having this really sweet time with the Lord, sitting in front of this laptop, listening to these old Clay Crosse songs, and just worshiping. It's one of those times where you just feel so sensitive and open before the Lord, and you just know that He's here, smiling and enjoying it as much as you are....I wish all days could be this fresh.

Ran across another song I haven't heard in a while - not a CC original, and actually never heard him sing it before - so I found another version. Check it out when you have a minute to sit and really soak it in!

I Will Not Forget You
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mt--1smgHS0

Anyways, hope you enjoy them as much as I did tonight!

May God grant you eyes to see Him, ears to hear His voice, a heart that is sensitive to His Spirit and that yearns for His presence, so that you never settle for anything less than Him, ever!

Till next time,
jbh

2009-07-16T07:07:00.001-07:00

Make a Smilebox postcard

Guest Blogging

2009-06-26T06:56:00.001-07:00

So, a good friend called me yesterday and asked me to be a guest blogger on her site next week while she's out of town. I have to admit I thought it ironic that she wanted me to write for hers when I don't even regularly write on my own..HA, but anything for a friend.

Please do check out her blog. She's a spunky, creative girl with a heart for God and a love for people, fashion, truth, and coffee. You'll see why I like her.

http://www.laniebethsinclair.com/

So, I better get to work on her post - my deadline is Sunday PM, and will be posted (if I make the cut (eek)) sometime next week.

Willingness -cont.

2009-06-08T07:58:00.000-07:00

So, I'm still meditating on the whole willingness factor...and just seeing it more and more crucial in the life of a Christ follower. I'm just surprised that I don't hear more on it (unless this is just a given and it's only profound to me...but regardless, I'm enjoying this new revelation). I mean...willingness, the ability to choose to submit and surrender to God, instead of being controlled by your flesh, and it actually also insinuates an eagerness and joy with it! I guess you could put it under the umbrella of self-control, but I see it so much more as the heart of the issue than just learning discipline. I see it as truly surrendering to God as the authority of your life, allowing Him to dictate instead of self. Anyways, just love that word...willingness...makes me think of meekness and gentleness as well.

Which leads me to what we often after to submit or surrender to.....sacrifice.

I read something the other day about sacrifice, and we, as a culture, and I'm guessing as a generation, of believers have moved further and further away from the Truth that being a follower of Christ means that we will have to sacrifice our own lives - that we take up the cross (our impending death) and follow after Him with it - and then willingly crucifying our flesh whenever and wherever He directs. Oh yeah, did I mention daily?? Appealing, huh? Anyone want to be a Christian? No wonder we don't really include this as the selling point in our evangelistic pursuits, huh? :)

Anyways...so much of our philosophy these days (for lack of a better term) is about how being a follower of Christ means that we're going down the right path, and therefore all things will go smoothly and succinctly (efficiently) and along this perfect time table that we know are able to determine because 'we have the mind of Christ.' But what life am I mirroring with this? Is this how I perceived Christ's life to be? Is this the picture that He desires to show the world through my life?

Really, if you look at that statement, it's pretty revealing of what Jenny values, and not necessarily God - comfort, smooth ride, efficiency, things happening when I want them to....it's probably a good practice to test yourself, the next time you're describing things, to see if it's truly Biblical, or just your version of Jesus.

Can i just say that God may be and probably is efficient in some things, but that He is also extravagant and sometimes, if we were honest, we'd probably even consider wasteful at times? Look at His love, poured out, for everyone - even for those that He knew wouldn't receive Him??!!

I must admit that I used this example in an argument with my husband once. He had said something that was a little insensitive and careless, and his response was that he was just trying to be efficient (which I admire in him most of the time :)), and my response to Him was that love is not efficient. And it's not....love is anything but efficient. Love doesn't just measure out the minimum in a particular situation, but it covers over a multitude of sins.

So, did I just contradict myself is saying that God is efficient if God is love?? Somehow, being God, I think He can probably do both. But I'm not claiming any new theology here! :)

Anyways, back to the point - labeling our walk with God has smooth, timely, succinct.

If anything, I think this speaks more of the call to perfectionism that the world sends than the call to the cross, where grace is extended for the imperfect. The world is the one that tells us that we have to meet a certain standard to be accepted, when God is the one that sent His Standard so that we could be accepted.

So much of my walk with Christ has still been about striving to be this picture in my head of someone that perfectly understands God's will for her life and doesn't live the way she used to, has her life things together. But I'm learning more and more of the liberating and motivating nature of grace, that tells me it's not about 'me' getting things right, but about receiving God's acceptance as I am. And then because of that, wanting to live differently for Him, through the power of His Holy Spirit- not pursuing acceptance, but pursuing a life that is a response to that grace, and is truly an offering, a living sacrifice that is pleasing to God.

Because when I'm striving to produce anything in my life, it's no longer about giving my life to Christ....it's about me building my life, about me pursuing my idea of what my life should be like (often under the guise of following Christ.) But when I surrender my life and let the Holy Spirit lead, then I'm pursuing Christ and am truly transformed.

All this to say, I've been intimately reminded lately that often it's about the path God is leading me on that is the much narrower, rockier, harder way, and my willingness to follow Him down (or up) that path. But it makes sense if I exchange my value of perfectionism for willingness, and knowledge for trust. Because if God values my willingness and trust more than my ability to get things right, then it makes sense that He would choose these means to cultivate my character, not about me accumulating my accolades.

For example, let's say the goal or end destination is to get to the other side of a mountain. Our culture tells us to get there first, to make sure that we can capitalize on all that is there before all the opportunities are gone. So, if we're following this path and letting the culture dictate our values, then we'll probably just go around the mountain, anxious to get our share and make a name for ourselves.

And what if God seems to be directing us to the other side, too, but that He tells us that He has something on the top of the mountain for us, something special. Are we willing to value what God places value on? Or are we so anxious to get to the destination, which is ultimately the same as God's destination(right?), that we just say - I'll just go the easier, faster way?

But maybe we don't realize that, so often, going up the harder, rockier, narrower way, we ultimately gain a perspective that we wouldn't have otherwise. What if we were go trust God, 'forfeit' the world's calling to compromise by doing things easier, and go His path. I bet you that you'd find, once you got to the top of the mountain, that the destination on the other side wasn't what it was all cracked up to be, not from up here. And that the top of the mountains was so much greater than you could have ever imagined. AND if you hadn't climbed up, and built that endurance, you wouldn't be able to handle the thin air of the high altitude. But God, through His wisdom, knew that you needed the climb as much as you needed the mountaintop.

So, yeah - I imagine you get my point. This life is so often about something different than what it appears, and until we can see through God's eyes, we better just learn to trust Him and continue to pray for willing hearts to go the hard road despite the one that seems so much easier right in front of us.

And honestly, I think if there were more trusting and willing Christians out there, we might be a little bit easier to handle than a bunch of people that are striving to live perfect lives under the guise of following Christ. Because if we're pursuing perfectionism, we're not really pursuing Christ, are we?

A good friend once told me, in response to my honest question, "But aren't we supposed to be like Christ?"

"No, Jenny." he said, "We're just supposed to follow Him, and He makes us more like Himself."
- Kinda takes the pressure off, huh?

Be a Tree

2009-06-08T06:59:00.000-07:00

Don't really have any coherent thoughts about this yet, but wanted to share some of the cool references I'm finding. I've always gravitated towards verses about trees, because I really appreciate trees (and the whole worship symbolism that I wrote about before), and so I'm loving this particular study.

Ezekiel 47:12, "And on the banks, on both sides of the river, there will grow all kinds of trees for food. Their leaves will not wither, nor their fruit fail, but they will bear fresh fruit every month, because the water for them flows from the sanctuary. Their fruit will be for food, and their leaves for healing."

http://www.vbvbc.org/bible-verse/ezekiel47-12

I especially like the statement, "Spirit-filled and spirit-led Christians are the trees planted by the river whose fruit is for sustenance and leaves are for healing."

I love the idea that my life has the potential, through the Holy Spirit, to nourish and sustain the weary (Isaiah 50:4) and that, like leaves, I can provide a shelter and refuge for people to share their burdens, to get things off their chest, to provide healing through the Word of God, speaking Truth to their needs.

I can only speak for myself, but I'm assuming I'm not the only one, but I underestimate what my life can offer others when I'm surrendered to the Lord, available for Him to use me and saturated in His Word. If I could just soak in His Presence and His Word more, how much more sweeter and effective my life would be when it's wrung out for other people.

Solution - Hillsong United

2009-05-29T07:54:00.000-07:00

This was the song that God used to really speak to me this past Wednesday, with all that He had already been showing me about His call to all who will follow Him - to feed the hungry, to clothe the naked, to bring Hope to the hopeless, and to fight injustice.

It is not a human right
To stare, not fight
While broken nations dream
Open up our eyes so blind
That we might find
The Mercy for the need

Singing, Hey now
Fill our hearts with your compassion
Hey now
As we hold to our confession
Yeah

It is not too far a cry
To much to try
To help the least of these
Politics will not decide
If we should rise
And be your hands and feet

Singing, Hey now
Fill our hearts with your compassion
Hey Now
As we hold to our confession

Woah-oh-oh,
God be the solution
Woah-oh-oh
We will be Your hands and be Your feet.
Yeah, yeah

Higher than a circumstance
Your promise stands
Your love for all to see
Higher than protest line and dollar signs
Your love is all we need

Only You can mend the broken heart
And cause the blind to see
Erase complete the sinners past
And set the captives free
Only You can take the widows cry
And cause her heart to sing
Be a Father to the fatherless
Our Savior and our King
We will be Your hands, we will be Your feet
We will run this race for the least of these
On the darkest place, we will be Your light
We will be Your light

We will be Your hands , we will be Your feet
We will run this race for the least of these
In the darkest place, we will be your light
We will be your light
We'll sing

Woah-oh-oh,
God be the solution
Woah-oh-oh
We will be Your hands and be Your feet.

We will run we will run
We will run with the solution

Hillsong United Concert

2009-05-29T06:47:00.000-07:00

Had the pleasure of going to the Hillsong United Concert in Alpharetta on Wednesday night. It was a very refreshing, worshipful evening! Loved being there with Jordan and worshiping together.

God has been talking to me lately about fruit, and how fruit comes from application of His Truth - faithfulness to do what He's called me to do, not just 'know' what He's called me to know. I'm recalling a morning when God revealed to me, via my life verse (Proverbs 3:5-6),
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will make your paths straight."
that when He talked about knowing or acknowledging, it's usually referring to an intimate knowledge - from a relationship, from experience, not head-knowledge or even a slight nod of our chin to signal that we're getting the idea. It's about the truth sinking into my heart, and then it has the ability to 'make my paths straight.'

And I have to ask myself the question, what am I doing with all that He has shown me and given me? Am I being faithful? Or am I just being 'thoughtful' - thinking and pondering and striving to gain understanding that can truly only come from stepping out and doing the thing that He's put before me. I am terribly analytical - really need to find a balance in that! God has been helping me with this, but there is definitely still a lot of that going on.

I wonder if trust ever involves analyzing? Because that is where I want to be...trusting...willing...able to say, as Mary did, "may it be to me as you have said." (Luke 1:38).

I've been slowly making my way through a book called "Having a Mary Spirit" by Joanna Weaver. It's been challenging me to really face how much I give into my flesh, into my feelings, and letting that dictate what I do or don't do...what I say or don't say. And to bring me back to the 'knowledge' - the intimate knowing in my heart - that I have the power of the Holy Spirit inside of me - the same power that raised Christ from the grave! There is no truthful reason why I should be letting a bad attitude and other trivial circumstances dictate my actions and words. I am praying that God will continue to show me how to access this power more and more.

But I know a piece of it is obedience - again, being willing to step out and put feet to my faith - to do what He's called me to do - being patient when I'd rather be frustrated, to be gentle when I'd rather yell, to forgive when I'm rather sulk and be offended, to pray when I'm scared instead of backing up, etc., etc. It's not able the 'big' stuff right now - about feeling led to go to Africa and being scared out of my mind as to what that would look like, or even being willing to stay in GA when I'd have rather been in FL with all my friends. Right now, it's about my ability to, through the Holy Spirit, to restrain myself, and let Jesus live His life through me, every day of my life. For people to stop seeing Jenny...and Jenny to stop worrying about making anything of herself, and people to start seeing Jesus.

There's a quote in this book, which made me laugh out loud and I totally agreed with -
she was talking about how God will give you direction or a glimpse of what He's up to, and she (and me) have a tendency to run ahead and insert our own method.

"When you run ahead of Me, you end up doing what I've asked you to do in your own strength rather than Mine. Instead of being cloaked in the sweetness of My Spirit, your efforts are cloaked in your flesh. And sometimes, my dear daughter, your flesh ain't that easy to receive."

Amen! I'm sure we've all experienced being on the other end of it - but I'm recognizing more and more how much I'm the issue as well.

Instead:
"I(God) delight in a heart that welcomes My work rather than resents it. A willing, teachable spirit is all I'm looking for. A life so surrendered to Me, I can do My work unhindered."

*emphasis added by me

Do I value, do we value, willingness enough? It's easy to admire talents and knowledge and strength...but what about just having a willingness to trust God enough in spite of our lack of whatever is needed to step out anyways, knowing that He is sufficient - and really it's Him doing the work in us regardless - if it's going to be of value. Can I get past my fear of what others will think and just follow Him, trusting Him with the results?

I thinks so often I read things about believers struggling with making something of themselves in a showy, 'look at me' way - and learning to really give God the glory and the front seat on things. But what about people like me, who would much rather be hidden in the crowd and not seen - what happens when God calls us to do something, to say something, that will draw attention to ourselves? Can we learn to trust Him and be obedient, to not worry what others will think of us, and just let Him use us as a vessel? That's what I struggle with...and I think deep down, it's the same core issue...just needing to keep our eyes on Jesus and be more concerned with pleasing Him than other people - whether we're trying to make a name for ourselves, or keeping our name hidden - because really, our name is His now. Our life is no longer our own, to build or stay hidden. We are to find that delightful balance in knowing our worth because we're children of God, but being more concerned about making sure people know Christ's worth!

Anyways, that was quite a tangent...this is what happens when I write without a clear purpose in mind!

another great quote from this book about Gladys Aylward - a missionary to China -

"Gladys once said, 'I wasn't God's first choice for what I've done for China...I don't know who it was...It must have been a man...a well-educated man. I don't know what happened. Perhaps he died. Perhaps he wasn't willing...And God looked down...and saw Gladys Aylward..And God said - 'Well, she's willing.'"

Kind of changes my perspective on willingness....

According to 1 Peter, God has equipped us for all that we need for life and godliness - all that He desires to accomplish in our lives - so, that means all we really have to ever be is willing...willing to be obedient, willing to surrender to His plans (not necessarily our own), willing to wait when we'd rather be making 'progress,' willing to be quiet when we want to be asking questions and making suggestions (which are really subtle dictations anyways), willing to just trust Him enough to let Him lead the way.

I guess that probably has my own little slant on it...maybe it's easy for you to be willing in these areas, but harder in others - regardless, I think it's pretty awesome that all we're responsible for is our willingness. And even that He gives us when we ask for it. We just have to be willing to apply it. :)

"Lord, create in me a clean heart, and renew a steadfast, willing spirit within me." Psalm 51:10

Fruit - the application of the Truth of God, through the power of the Holy Spirit, available for others to see and taste and get hungry for the things of God.

May we live fruitful lives that give people a taste of something they can't get enough of, and a craving to find what they're missing out on!

The River by Meredith Andrews

2009-05-26T13:42:00.001-07:00

Everywhere is the sorrow and the pain of empty living
You can't see it, look in their eyes
All the hoplessness of the world
But look closer, He is right there
In the midst of every fear
Living water is the offer, restoration is the call

And He invites us, can you hear Him say?
He invites us, hear Him call your name

Welcome to the river
Come drink, come wade, come find your very light
Welcome to the river of God
Where your brokenness is washed away
Welcome to the river
Come drink, come wade, come find your very light
Welcome to the river of God
Where your brokenness is washed away

Find your healing
Find your freedom
In the river of God
Find your healing
Find your freedom
In the river of God

Your healing here
Your freedom here
In the river of God
Your healing here
Your freedom here
In the river of God

Welcome to the river
Come drink, come wade, come find your very light
Welcome to the river of God
Where your brokenness is washed away
Welcome to the river
Come drink, come wade, come find your very light
Welcome to the river of God
Where your brokenness is washed away

Everyone is broken and in need of a Savior

Still by Watermark

2009-05-14T13:14:00.001-07:00

The more I get alone
The more I see I need to get alone more, more
Cause just when I think that I'm alone
Your Spirit calls out to me
And even silence has a song
Cause that's when you come
Sing over me

Still, let me be still
Let me be OK
With the quiet in my heart
Still, I want to be still
I'm so quick to move
Instead of listening to you
Shut my mouth
Crush my pride
Give me the tears
Of a broken life,
Still

Oh this world, it falls around me
And flutters all it's beauty in my eyes
But let me choose the solitude
Simplicity has always simply changed my life
Even stillness makes me move
Cause that's when my heart
Learns to dance with you

Still, let me be still
Let me be OK
With the quiet in my heart
Still, I want to be still
I'm so quick to move
Instead of listening to you

I'm your child
Tame my heart
Obedience
To me impart
Still

Hold me
Cleanse me
Change me, Oh God
Change me while I am
Still,
let me be still
And know that you are God
And You're always enough
Still, I want to be still
To take all that I am
And simply lift it up

Shut my mouth
Crush my pride
Give me the tears
Of a broken life,
Still

I love this author!

2009-05-08T11:22:00.001-07:00

About a year ago, I came across an author that God has just given the ability to speak right into my circumstances and to just be a timely message from Him. Her name is Frances J. Roberts, and she has written several small devotional books - which I HIGHLY recommend - first and foremost, "Come Away My Beloved." I've also read "Make Haste, My Beloved," "On the Highroad to Surrender," and "Dialogues with God" - from which this next passage is out of.

You'll notice the unique format - a prayer, and then God's response to that prayer (based on scripture and just Holy Spirit discernment on her part). It may not be for everyone, but God has used this author's words as His Words in my life so much that I just have to share!

This message came today, in light of studying about intentionally taking time to be still and reflect on God, His Love, and just being available to Him in my every day, every hour, every moment life. It's actually pretty amazing just how good I am at completely missing Him and the point of all this sometimes!!! But He's also so faithful to speak to me and lead me back to His green pastures and still waters to restore my soul!

Enjoy!

Unfinished Tasks (The prayer)
"My Father, I am not capable of doing all those things that are demanded of in the course of a day. For every task completed, numerous other needful duties are left undone. This is not a complaint that life is over burdensome, but rather a cry to Thee for understanding and for wisdom to improve the situation: how to reach the end of the day with a feeling of some degree of satisfaction in a job well done. It is not restful to, as it were, sleep on loose ends - to be forever uncomfortably aware of there multitudinous tasks still waiting.

For as time passes, so much of what we have failed to accomplish can no longer be done at all. Surely there must be enough time and enough strength provided to do the vitally essential things. Dear Father, I not only fail to accomplish the task, but lose my sensitivity to Thy guidance, and in doing this, I soon have also lost the joy I would have had if I had pleased Thee."

Give Me the Firstfruits (God's response)
"O my child, do not bring Me the unfinished tasks. There will always be work to do. This also can be a snare of the enemy, for he would deceive you into feeling that all work is worthy in itself - that simply to be occupied is good. This is not true. To sit still, yes, even to have recreation, is sometimes just as important and ofttimes more so. If you were a hundred people, you would discover that you would have a hundred times more unfinished tasks!

Give Me a heart that has learned to become quiet and to rest. Anybody can do work. Few people know how to be quiet. being quiet is not being lazy. Most lazy people are never truly quiet. Those who do the least frequently talk the most and are seldom able to be still and collect their wits.

You must be able to collect yourself - to take time to absorb the Spirit of God. For to be freshly filled with the Spirit will bring the guidance and direction and wisdom and the will to do His bidding. The purpose of spending time with God is more than simply enjoying His Presence: It is to fit you for the labors next at hand. The Mount of Transfiguration was not a separate play from the deliverance of the demoniac. It was the first scene. Christ's words to the impotent disciples leave us in no doubt as to this (Mark 9:1-29: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Mark%209:1-29&version=31)

So come to Me, as I have so often invited thee to do - heart open, hands uplifted and empty. Don't bring Me your work. Bring Me yourself. It is you that I love, not your enterprises. The more you draw near to Me in singleness of heart, the clearer will be your guidance on life's pathway and the less danger there will be of substituting human activities for Spirit-directed ministries.

Keep your heart tender, lest your work become destructive."

Mercy and An Eventful Night

2009-05-04T12:55:00.001-07:00

So - apparently I'm a lot more rebellious than I thought.

I was driving to meet a friend at Starbucks for our usual time of catching up and trying to figure out all the mysteries of life, and apparently didn't realize how anxious I was to get there. So, flashing lights behind me, I pull over, sighing and blaming my husband for frustrating me and 'making me drive fast' because I was frustrated.

And so the usual question - do you know why I pulled you over, etc., etc, and may I see your license and registration. So, I give him my id and then scramble in the glove compartment for the most recent insurance card. Sure enough, it's not there, but he offers to take the expired card and look it up on his computer. So, more ammo to throw at my husband - i call him, make sure he know that I've been pulled over, and that it's his fault that I don't have the current insurance information (that he confirms is sitting at his desk at home).

Then, as i wait on the officer to come back, it hits me. I totally deserve this. I don't have any excuses. I was speeding - I broke the law, and I was getting what I deserved. And on top of that, in the way that the Holy Spirit can be so untimely :), He brings to mind the passage about receiving the measure of mercy that I give out.

"Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!" James 2:12-13

And I think - oh man, am I in trouble! I had A LOT of opportunities before i left home to be merciful with my husband, to give him a break and realize most of my attitude was because I was just in a bad mood, not because of some things that he had forgotten to do lately. And so I'm thinking - here it comes. Big ticket heading my way with my name on it.

And then the officer comes up, and brings it to my attention that my license has been expired for almost a year - and did i realize that. I'm freaking out inside, not even sure what they do for that type of thing, all the while trying to stay composed in front of the officer. He asks if someone is home that can come get me. I explain that my husband and I only have one car and that he's at home carless. But I do mention my friend that I was on my way to meet, and he encourages me to call her. So, totally loosing it as he walks back to his car, I call my dear, sweet friend, balling my eyes out, telling her that they're coming to take me away and she needs to be here! :) So, she says she'll be right there.

And then - totally unexpectedly, the officer comes back, and tells me the verdict. Instead of giving me a ticket for driving without a license (which I guess they can do since it's been expired for so long), he just gives me a ticket for an expired license, and a warning for the speeding. He asks me to stay there until my friend gets there, and he leaves.

And I totally didn't get what I deserved! And then it hit me, again, in the way that God's grace just flows, that I don't get what I deserve every single day. I don't deserve God's grace and mercy, but He extends it from the cross 2000 years ago to me today. I don't deserve the blessings in my life, and yet it continually pours out His love and blessings on me. And I have the nerve to withhold mercy from the man that i love most in my life (besides Jesus) - just who do I think I am? How can I lose sight of this and go about my life, complaining because I don't get things my way. PRAISE GOD I DON'T GET THINGS MY WAY! Because my way, what i deserve, is death.

"Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God's mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship." -Romans 12:1-2

So, yeah - I'm a lot more rebellious than I thought - I was breaking about 5 laws without even trying - and didn't recognize my need for mercy. And how often do I go about life like that - not realizing my need for mercy, and not realizing just how much each day I break more and more of God's laws, His perfect standard of holiness. Praise God for Jesus Christ, my Savior, Who took my place so that I could become Righteous (rightly related) to God!

Need to Worship

2009-04-16T08:17:00.000-07:00

Was reading last night about our need, my need, to worship -
to be reminded of my rightful position before a Holy God -
and allowing Him to dictate and replace me back where I'm supposed to be.

Repositioning through worship -
What a wonderful idea,
That as we gaze into His Presence that we're put where we need to be.
How completely simple.
And then, as if Him being totally worthy of our praise wasn't a good enough excuse,
He also calls us to come to Him, to lift Him up, because that's what we need as well -

His glorification becomes our Saving -
Saved from a life of self-promotion and self-consciousness and self, period.

Beautiful Savior,
Who calls me friend.

Unashamed Love
You're calling me to lay aside the worries of my day
To quiet down my busy mind and find a hiding place
Worthy, Worthy

I open up my heart and let my spirit worship Yours
I open up my mouth and let a song of praise come forth
Worthy, You are worthy

Of a child-like faith
And of my honest praise
And of my unashamed love
Of a holy life
And of my sacrifice
And of my unashamed love

(not sure if Ten Shekel Shirt is the original author or not)

Embraced

2009-04-11T10:54:00.000-07:00

Because of the cross
and what it signifies,
I am embraced.

Because of His death
and sacrifice,
I am embraced.

Because of His love for me
that wouldn't allows us to be separated,
I am embraced.

Embraced because His righteousness has set me free,
free from my death and sin and misery.

Free for a LIFE renewed and redeemed,
free to become who I was meant to be.

I am embraced - loved deeply and eternally,
adored and delighted over.

I am embraced.

Still He Walked

2009-04-10T06:23:00.000-07:00

He could hear the crowds screaming "crucify" "crucify"...
He could hear the hatred in their voices,
These were His chosen people.
He loved them,And they were going to crucify Him.
He was beaten, bleeding and weakened...
His heart was broken,
But still He walked.

He could see the crowd as He came from the palace.
He knew each of the faces so well.
He had created them.
He knew every smile, every laugh, and every shed tear,
But now they were contorted with rage and anger.
His heart broke,But still He walked.

Was He scared?
You and I would have been,
so His humanness would have mandated that He was.
He felt alone.
His disciples had left, denied, and even betrayed Him.
He searched the crowd for a loving face and He saw very few.
Then He turned His eyes to the only one that mattered.
And He knew that He would never be alone.

He looked back at the crowd...
At the people who were spitting at Him,
Throwing rocks at Him and mocking Him.
And He knew that because of Him,
They would never be alone.
So for them, He walked.

The sounds of the hammer
striking the spikes echoed through the crowd.
The sounds of His cries echoed even louder,
The cheers of the crowd,
as His hands and feet were nailed to the cross,
Intensified with each blow.
Loudest of all was the still small voice
Inside His Heart that whispered "I am with you, my son",
And God's heart broke.
He had let His son walk.

Jesus could have asked God to end His suffering,
But instead He asked God to forgive.
Not to forgive Him,
but to forgive the ones who were persecuting Him.
As He hung on that cross,
dying an unimaginable death,
He looked out and saw, not only the faces in the crowd,
But also, the face of every person yet to be,
And His heart filled with love.
As His body was dying,
His heart was alive.
Alive with the limitless, unconditional love
He feels for each of us.
That is why He walked.

When I forget how much My God loves me,
....I remember His walk.

When I wonder if I can be forgiven,
....I remember His walk.

When I need to be reminded of how to live like Christ,
....I think of His walk.

And to show Him how much I love Him,
....I wake up each morning, turn my eyes to Him,
........And I walk.

-Author Unknown

Faithful

2009-04-09T19:42:00.000-07:00

The wind proclaims Your existence,
The stars whisper of Your Word.
My soul cries out from within me,
And nothing but Your silence is heard.

But Your silence speaks volumes to me
And calms my heart with just a hint of Your love.
I cannot fathom the depths of our endless affection
Or grasp the tip of Your Holy Robe.

I long to sit at Your feet and listen,
Yet so often I run to the next task ahead,
Forgetting the awesome escape that I find
When my heart is still and my soul is fed.

Worry demands attention,
and distraction confuses my sight.
But I'll wait on You 'cause You're faithful,
But I'll wait on You 'cause You're faithful,
I'll wait until I'm filled by You,
and see Your Holy Light.

Worship

2009-04-09T19:41:00.001-07:00

Branches outstretched,
searching,
longing for more of the sweet refreshing taste of rain.
The slightest bit of Your holiness
is enough for them to stand forever,
outstretched,
searching—longing for rain.

2009-04-09T19:40:00.001-07:00

-a leaf-shaped tear,
a sign of a season passing, a season of my growth

-a silent smile,
a memory fondly placed in my heart, a memory of loss

-a solitary sigh,
a release of desire yet fulfilled, a longing still subsiding

-a perfect pain,
drawing the imperfect love to its completion,
complementing its limitations

Storm of Surrender

2009-04-09T19:39:00.000-07:00

Clear blue eyes reflected the tossing waves.
Too many thoughts were going through his mind,
silent fears now threatened to be heard.
But he let her go -
into the arms of Someone who loved her more than he ever could.
Now she would finally know the love she had desired -
her brown eyes blessed the storm of surrender

Signature of Rain

2009-04-09T19:33:00.000-07:00

The flower is the signature of rain.

Lord, send Your holy rain to wash us,
to clear out the distractions that prohibit our growth
and strangle our roots until we can’t discern that they are You.

We can’t shine with Your glory until you take away our stains,
with Your holy rain.

2009-04-09T19:32:00.000-07:00

I thought you knew
I guess I assumed too much.
I don’t know how, but now we’re so far out of touch.

And I never planned,
to so misunderstand.
But what you needed you never asked me to give,
and I swear as I live…

I thought you knew my heart was yours
and that we were so together
that we would always be.
I don’t believe you leaving me is the answer.

I’m not asking you to let me rush back in and fail again,
I’m asking for one chance not to assume…so I can say and do
all the things I thought you knew.

So here we are
so far we’re still so far
from where we know we should be.
I’m searching for words
and you haven’t heard…

I thought you knew my heart was yours,
and that we were so together
that we would always be.
I don’t believe you leaving me is the answer.
I’m not asking for you to let me rush back in and fail again,
I’m asking for one chance not to assume,
so I can say and do…all the things I thought you knew.

I thought you knew….
oh God, I thought you knew.

His Glory

2009-04-09T19:19:00.000-07:00

Growth is the path I must take,
discipline & pain the direction,
Your joy, my motivation,
that leads me to Your purpose.

The scars become my altars,
bittersweet reminders of my salvation
from a world that was never meant to be
to a life of eternal glory.

The claws of sin scrap hard and deep,
but His healing tears cleanse my wounds.
He’s crying with me.

Lost lifeless in utter separation,
He used death to unite us again.
A light that could not fade,
a connection He could not lose.

I was meant to be His glory,
precious and priceless in His loving gaze.
Grace has washed my feet,
mercy anoints my head,
and I can once again bow before my Lord.

So He continues to call me,
pursue me,
fondly transforming
my scars to beauty.
And the more I allow myself to rest
in His security and peace,
the more I understand my true worth.

His pearl,
washed and bruised,
eroded and refined,
caressed and cleansed,
will shine again with Him in eternity,
His glory.

Draw Me Nearer

2009-04-08T08:39:00.000-07:00

Below are two seemingly contradictory statements - two songs that express how distant and how incomprehensive God is to us in our human, fragile minds and in our sinful, fleshly nature, and yet this promise that we can know God when we draw near to Him - and yet, they are both true. We don't know Him in all His Holiness and purity - and yet He beckons us to draw nearer, to desire and seek purity so that we can see Him (Matthew 5:8) and we will find Him, and grow in ever increasing knowledge and experience of Him! I love that God is so complicated - that we can't put Him in a box and figure Him out - I love that because He wants to be pursued in the same way I do - that's where I get that from - because I'm made in His image! He is ever the pursuer, and wants to be pursued....and I accept!

What Do I Know of Holy by Addison Road is an example of how much we claim to know Him, when we've only caught a glimpse of one aspect of His character - and we assume that we, in our grandness, have it all figured out.

Draw Me Nearer by Meredith Andrews expresses our hearts deepest desire, whether we recognize it as this or not, that we long to find ourselves at Home with Him, in the arms of His unfailing love and His unending love. This was actually the song that God used to get me to start this blog - and contemplating naming my blog as Drawing Near - because I want to, I want my writing to be one of my attempts that I'm trying to draw nearer to Him, and finding myself in Him, new and recreated and redeemed.

What Do I Know of Holy
I made You promises a thousand times
I tried to hear from Heaven
But I talked the whole time
I think I made You too small
I never feared You at all No
If You touched my face would I know You?
Looked into my eyes could I behold You?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

I guess I thought that I had figured You out
I knew all the stories and I learned to talk about
How You were mighty to save
Those were only empty words on a page
Then I caught a glimpse of who You might be
The slightest hint of You brought me down to my knees

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

(CHORUS 2)
What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of wounds that will heal my shame?
And a God who gave life "its" name?
What do I know of Holy?
Of the One who the angels praise?
All creation knows Your name
On earth and heaven above
What do I know of this love?

(CHORUS)
What do I know of You
Who spoke me into motion?
Where have I even stood
But the shore along Your ocean?
Are You fire? Are You fury?
Are You sacred? Are You beautiful?
What do I know? What do I know of Holy?

What do I know of Holy?
What do I know of Holy?

Draw Me Nearer
For your nearness Lord I hunger
For your nearness Lord I wait
Hold me ever closer Father
Such a love I can’t escape

For your nearness I am hoping
For your nearness Lord I long
Have no need of any other
I have found where I belong
Yes, I have found where I belong

So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer Lord

In your nearness there is healing
What was broken now made whole
Restoration in its fullness
Lasting hope for all who come

In your nearness I take shelter
Where you are is where I’m home
I have need of only one thing
To be here before your throne
To be here before you throne

So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord

So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer Lord

And keep me here, keep me here
There’s nowhere else I rather be
So keep me here, keep me here
There’s nowhere else I rather be
There’s nowhere else I rather be

So draw me nearer Lord
Never let me go
Closer to your heart
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer Lord
Draw me nearer my Lord

I no longer want to be a scribe...

2009-04-04T12:01:00.000-07:00

Excerpt from A.W. Tozer's "The Pursuit of God" from Chapter 3, Removing the Veil

"God is so vastly wonderful, so utterly and completely delightful that He can, without anything other than Himself, meet and overflow the deepest demands of our total nature, mysterious and deep as that nature is. Such worship - can never come from a mere doctrinal knowledge of God. Hearts that are 'fit to break' with love for the Godhead are those who have been in the Presence and have looked with opened eye upon the majesty of the Deity. Men of the breaking hearts had a quality about them not known to nor understood by common men. They habitually spoke with spiritual authority. They had been in the presence of God and they reported what they saw there.

They were prophets, not scribes, for the scribe tells us what he has read, and the prophet tells what he has seen. The distinction is not an imaginary one. Between the scribe who has read and the prophet who has seen is a difference as wide as the sea. We are overrun today with orthodox scribes, but the prophets, where are they? The hard voice of the scribe sounds over evangelicalism, bu the Church waits for the tender voice of the saint who has penetrated the veil and has gazed with inward eye upon the wonder that is God. And yet, thus to penetrate, to push in sensitive living experience into the holy Presence, is a privilege open to every child of God.

With the veil removed by the rending of Jesus' flesh, with nothing on God's side to prevent us from entering, why do we tarry without? Why do we consent to abide all our days just outside the Holy of Holies and never enter at all to look upon God? We hear the Bridegroom say, 'Let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely.' (Song of Solomon 2:14) We sense that call is for us, but we still fail to draw near, and the years pass and we grow old and tired in the outer courts of the tabernacle. What hinders us?

The answer usually given, simply that we are 'cold,' will not explain all the facts. There is something more serious than coldness of heart, something that may be back of that coldness and be the cause of its existence. What is it? What but the presence of the veil in our hearts? A veil not taken away as the first veil was, but which remains there still shutting out the light and hiding the face of God from us. It is the veil of our fleshly, fallen nature living on, unjudged within us, uncrucified and unrepudiated. It is the close-woven veil of the self-life which we never truly acknowledged, of which we have been secretly ashamed, and which for these reasons we have never brought to the judgment of the cross. It is not too mysterious, this opaque veil, nor is it hard to identify. We have but to look into our own hearts and we shall see it there, sewn and patched and repaired it may be, but there nevertheless, an enemy to our lives and an effective block to our spiritual progress.

This veil is not a beautiful thing and it is not a thing about which we commonly care to talk. But I am addressing the THIRSTING souls who are determined to follow God, and I know they will not turn back because the way leads temporarily through the blackened hills. The urge of God within them will assure their continuing pursuit. They will face the facts however unpleasant and endure the cross for the joy set before them. So I am bold to name the threads out of which this inner veil is woven.

It is woven of the fine threads of the self-life, the hyphenated sins of the human spirit. They are not something we do, they are something we are, and therein lies both their subtlety and their power.

To be specific, the self-sins are self-righteousness, self-pity, self-confidence, self-sufficiency, self-admiration, self-love, and a host of others like them. They dwell too deep within us and are too much a part of our nature to come to our attention till the light of God is focused upon them. The grosser manifestations of these sins - egotism, exhibitionism, self-promotion - are strangely tolerated in Christian leaders, even in circles of impeccable orthodoxy. They are so much in evidence as actually for many people, to become identified with the gospel. I trust it is not a cynical observation to say that they appear these days to be a requisite for popularity in some sections of the church visible. Promoting self under the guise of promoting Christ is currently so common as to excite little notice.

One should supposed a proper instruction in the doctrines of man's depravity and the necessity of justification through the righteousness of Christ alone would deliver us from the power of the self-sins, but it does not work that way. Self can live unrebuked at the very altar. It can watch the bleeding Victim die and not be in the least affected by what it sees. It can fight for the faith of the reformers and preach eloquently the creed of salvation by grace and gain strength by its efforts. To tell the truth, it seems actually to feed upon orthodoxy and is more at home in a Bible conference than a tavern. Our very state of longing after God may afford it an excellent condition under which to thrive and grow.

Self is the opaque veil that hides the face of God from us. It can be removed only in spiritual experience, never by mere instruction. We may as well try to instruct leprosy out of our system. There must be a work of God in destruction before we are free. We must invite the cross to do its deadly work within us. We must bring our self-sins to the cross for judgment. We must prepare ourselves for an ordeal of suffering in some measure like that through which our Savior passed when He suffered under Pontius Pilate.

Let us remember that when we talk of the rending of the veil we are speaking in a figure, and the thought of it is poetical, almost pleasant, but in actuality there is nothing pleasant about it. In human experience that veil is made of living spiritual tissue; it is composed of the sentient, quivering stuff of which our whole beings consist, and to touch it is to touch us where we feel pain.

To tear away is to injure us, to hurt us and make us bleed.
To say otherwise is to make the cross no cross and death no death at all.
It is never fun to die.
To rip through the dear and tender stuff of which life is made can never be anything but deeply painful.

Yet that is what the cross did to Jesus and it is what the cross would do to every man to set him free.

Let us beware of tinkering with our inner life, hoping ourselves to rend the veil. God must do everything for us. Our part is to yield and trust. We must confess, forsake, repudiate the self-life, and then reckon it crucified. But we must be care to distinguish lazy 'acceptance' from the real work of God. We must INSIST upon the work being done. We dare not rest content with a neat doctrine of self-crucifixion. That is to imitate Saul and spare the best of the sheep and oxen.

Insist that the work be done in very truth and it will be done. The cross is rough and it is deadly, but it is effective. It does not keep its victim hanging there forever. There comes a moment when its work is finished and the suffering victim dies. After that is resurrection glory and power, and the pain is forgotten for joy that the veil is taken away and we have entered in actual spiritual experience the presence of the Living God."

"Lord, how excellent are Thy ways, and how devious and dark are the ways of man. Show us how to die, that we may rise again to newness of life. Rend the veil of our self-life from the top down as Thou didst rend the veil of the Temple. We would draw near in full assurance of faith. We would dwell with Thee in daily experience here on earth so that we may be accustomed to the glory when we enter Thy heaven to dwell with Thee there. In Jesus' Name, Amen."

today's thoughts

2009-04-03T21:50:00.000-07:00

I recently revisited a lot of my old friends (my journals from college-on), and ran across this excerpt.

August 8, 2008 - "As I sit here, I can hear the light, yet consistent rain outside. Sometimes, when I don't recognize You in anything else, it's the faithfulness of the rain that reminds me of You. I know that sometimes that's due to my lack of spiritual vision, yet You continue to meet me where I am and draw me back to You.

Lord, I'm here. I recognize my need for You so desperately this morning, as the night longs for the break of dawn and the first glimpse of the sunrise - the reminder of You promise that Your mercies are new every morning, that I have a fresh start in You. Help my heart to hear and receive this Truth, for my mind to see and believe that there is grace beyond comprehension waiting for me just past my decision to let go and let You...

How can You feel so foreign to me when I've walked with You all these years? Have I never really known You, or is my heart just that forgetful and fickle? I see that things I despise in me and it makes me weary. Lord - help me get past this! Help me to see You again with new eyes and new vision. Spiritual vision. Kingdom eyes.

May the eyes of my heart be enlightened that I may know and comprehend that glorious inheritance I have with the saints. HOPE.

"Teach me Your will, O Lord, and I will walk in Your Truth. Grant me an undivided heart, that I may fear Your Name. I will praise You, O lord, with all my heart; I will glorify Your Name forever. For great is Your love towards me. You have delivered me from the depths of the grave." - Psalm 86:11-13

"But when the kindness and love of God our Savior appeared, He saved us, not because of righteous things we had done, but because of His mercy. He saved us through the washing of rebirth and renewal by the Holy Spirit, whom He poured out on us generously through Jesus Christ our Savior, so that, having been justified by his grace, we might become heirs having the hope of eternal life. This is a trustworthy saying. And I want you to stress these things, so that those who have trusted in God may be careful to devote themselves to doing what is good. These things are excellent and profitable for everyone." Titus 3:4-8

Your Word falls fresh on me this morning - Grace, mercy, a fresh start, heirs of HOPE -
therefore, in view of this, to devote myself to what is good -

"Give ear to my words, O LORD, consider my sighing. Listen to my cry for help, my King and my God, for to you I pray. In the morning, O LORD, you hear my voice;in the morning I lay my requests before you and wait in expectation." -Psalm 5:1-3

God's provision that saves us spiritually through the lessons of suffering we endure - not about physical and emotional comfort.

In poverty, we find the true riches of our heart - blessed are the spiritually poor

Through loss, we find gain - whoever will lose his life for My sake will have true life

Through death, we find life through rejection of the world's embrace we're accepted into God's family

Through turning our eyes from sinful things, we find vision pure enough to see God's glory

Through pain-authored humility, we find mercy and grace, peace and love

-end of excerpt

Interestingly enough, in the way that God loves to do this in my life, He's brought this back to my attention as I'm re-reading "The Pursuit of God" by A.W. Tozer - and am reminded of the fact that God has ALWAYS been the one pursuing me - whether it was the lull of the soft rain outside my window that reminded me of Him, or His very Words brought back to mind when I'm having a hard time - He's always there, reminding me of His faithfulness and beckoning me to come away with Him - ever the Romancer.

I've been experiencing somewhat of late the abundance of answered prayer being so thoroughly laid bare before my eyes - the way that God even initiates a thought or question in me to speak to Him, and how quickly He's delighted in revealing His answer in one form or another. Amazing how much He delights to be in relationship with me...even now I just shake my head, but not in disbelief, because this Truth is slowly creeping into my heart, seeping into my innermost being - which He created and recognizes His signature - and I'm learning that He loves to love me - and just what an incredible Truth that is to live in. And that He loves to love you - the way that He puts you on my heart and brings you to my mind to intercede and to carry your situation to His throne of grace. Oh, how He loves to love...

And I love how this Love takes so many forms - joyful expressions of happiness and excitement and anticipation -and heart-wrenching tears of sorrow. I had a brief moment, about two months ago, where the Lord gave me about 5 minutes with Him to glimpse something that I'm not even sure I can really put into words. It was the fact that He allows Himself to be vulnerable to us - that He stands there, reaching out to us, asking us to Choose Him, the very ones that He came to serve and die for.

And I think of how hard it is, in some ways, for me to be vulnerable to Him - and yet He does it first. He puts Himself out there for us to reject Him every single day, and instead of backing up and closing off, He continues to stand there, open - waiting for the next opportunity to draw us back to Himself.

This glimpse came in response to a conversation that I had regarding what I felt called to avoid, in terms of not being exposed to certain types of media, etc., because of the effect that it has on my heart. God spoke to me some years ago about purity, and that when I allowed myself to listen to certain types of music, certain types of TV shows/movies, that I was becoming less and less sensitive to His Presence in my life. I was no longer focusing on the things that He was speaking to me about, but allowing these new 'messages' to lead and guide me and my heart. And so I was explaining that it wasn't some legalistic stance on rejecting anything 'mainstream,' but that when you put it next like this: I can either experience the Creator of the Universe, or enjoy a 30 minute show that is meaningless in view of eternity. There was no real choice.

And so this 5 minute glimpse came, and it was like I could see Christ standing there, every moment of our day, when we decide what we're going to listen to, look at, engage in conversation about - what we allow into our minds - into our eyes - into our ears - and into our hearts - and He's asking us to choose Him - choose things that bring Him to our mind, that encourage us in the ways that He's already moving in our lives. And just how often we don't choose Him....we choose the next fad musician, the 'cool, taboo' author that would rather compromise purity for relevancy...not realizing that when we forsake purity (of mind, heart, speech), we forsake vision and revelation of God -the pure in heart will SEE HIM.

And He stands there, exposed and open and vulnerable, asking us to choose Him, choose the things that clarify our mind and vision so that we can recognize Him there in our lives.

I just sobbed, sitting there on my office floor, humbled that He loves us so much - loves to love us so much - that He just stands there, waiting, asking us to Choose Him. And that He still stands there, after we don't, asking once again, Please....choose Me.

Desert Places and Empty Spaces

2009-03-17T12:47:00.000-07:00

I prayed a prayer a while back, asking God to show me how to be satisfied in Him...what it really looked like to live there, and not just visit occasionally...and i definitely didn't know what I was getting myself into!

Been experiencing a desert season for the past few weeks, and realizing more and more this weekend how God is allowing the dryness to draw me out and make me thirst for His Living Water....so often I fill the empty places as soon as they become vacant, instead of realizing that God has been purging me and wanting to fill those places Himself....it's like the minute He finishes clearing a spot, I'm filling it....with activities, worries, my desires and dreams. But God has been faithful to frustrate my attempts at trying to find comfort and contentment in anything outside of just Him.

"Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who depends on flesh for his strength and whose heart turns away from the LORD. He will be like a bush in the wastelands; he will not see prosperity when it comes. He will dwell in the parched places of the desert, in a salt land where no one lives." -Jeremiah 17:5-6

This time He told me to just wait...to stop 'depending on my own flesh,' my own ideas and notions of what I think will best meet my needs....and let those places sit open for a while & practice being vulnerable before Him. He's asked me to let them bring me to a place where I realize my need for Him and then let Him choose the timing in meeting those needs.

"The LORD will guide you always; He will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail." - Isaiah 58:11

I've been revisiting a book that I read in college - Heart Hunger by Cindi McMendamin. I was actually humbled by the notion that God would be revisiting these issues...they were something I was always ashamed of in college, feeling as though my attempts to find the security and acceptance were misplaced on relationship after relationship. And there is so much talk in the Christian culture these days about how there are 'certain issues' you have to work through before God will bring your mate into your life....which I think it just a bunch of bull! You have to be content in your singleness. You have to do this, or be that, etc. What this does is set us up on this fast-speed cycle, trying to race through our issues to find healing so that we can win the prize....a husband, a wife.

And so that is what I did. I saw my husband waiting on the other side of my search for security and acceptance, and that if I was supposed to be satisfied in God before He'd bring me my husband, than I was sure going to find satisfaction and quickly! But I've never really known God to work on my time-table. So, I gathered all the information I needed, all the statements to claim in faith that "all I wanted was Jesus" and "He was all I needed," and wore that label proudly, even almost convincing myself that I was there. But the thing about moving so quickly is that the Truth doesn't take root in your heart. I wasn't after satisfaction in Christ...I was after a husband!

But God, in His goodness, knows our motives and doesn't expect more from us than we can give Him...and so He didn't expect me to be at a place of surrendering that desire of a husband to Him then...and I don't know that He was even asking to.

And so here I am again - God still pursuing me, trying to convince me that He is the only thing that can truly satisfy my heart, that what I really long for is His unfailing love. So, instead of trying to get all the knowledge I can and try to get past this as quickly as possible, I'm going to humbly sit at His feet, and remain there. I'm going to confess in this self-sufficient world that I'm not enough for me...I can't do it on my own, and frankly, I don't want to. I don't want to have to rely on myself to get through this thing...I want to live. I want to question and search for the promised Abundant Life that is offered....and I don't want to settle for less. I want to accept the suffering along with the pleasures, and consider it all joy in knowing Christ. I want to really learn what it means to taste and see that the Lord is good....that He truly will satisfy my needs in my sun-scorched desert, and I will then be a spring of water, like a well-watered garden.

God spoke to my heart and showed me just how closely my calling is tied to these issues...how I'm called to be open and vulnerable, not clinging to the things around me that beckon their comfort and in turn dull my senses, and to help others get into that freedom as well. But being open and vulnerable means that you're constantly open to the beckoning....and He wants to teach me how to get an appetite for all that He is so that the other doesn't seem so tempting anymore.

So here I am, sitting, waiting....long enough for the side effects of this world to slowly fade, and for Him to make me sensitive to His Spirit again. I'm willing to wait in the in-between of faith and sight, knowledge and experience, prayer and peace.

bright darkness of faith

2009-02-24T13:22:00.000-08:00

As I'm typing this, I'm listening to www.pandora.com (if you haven't tried it out, it's pretty handy) - and Addison Road's song, Hope Now is playing - Your love sets me free.....amen.

Anyways, just wanted to post some things I read today, and how His truth really does set us free - if we're willing to go where free is. Some of what God is teaching me about lately is challenging me to be real and to surrender and to accept that suffering is part of the journey -

^"God made my life complete
when I placed all the pieces before him.
When I got my act together,
he gave me a fresh start.
Now I'm alert to God's ways;
I don't take God for granted.
Every day I review the ways he works;
I try not to miss a trick.
I feel put back together,
and I'm watching my step.
God rewrote the text of my life
when I opened the book of my heart to his eyes. " Psalm 18:20-24 (MSG)

The keys to passionate living - by Jud Wilhite

(1) start where you are right now - recognizing where you're living, what you do for a living, your trials - and as you surrender them to God, you start to see the incredible journey that He's already taking you on.

(2) waiting on God's timing and trusting His sovereignty - God will open doors, so be careful not to ignore them or force entry - passionate living involves waiting on doors to be opened or closed by God, and paying attention to what He's doing, not what you're doing.

(3) recognize suffering as part of passionate living - God wrestles the 'me' out of myself and it's painful.

"When we hit bottom and are emptied of all we thought important to us, then we truly pray, truly become humble and detached, and live in the bright darkness of faith. In the midst of the emptying we know that God has not deserted us. He has merely removed the obstacles keeping us from a deeper union with Him."
-Brennan Manning, The Signature of Jesus

why the name

2009-02-24T13:17:00.000-08:00

In case you were wondering, NatCat comes from what Jordan and I are thinking of naming our future daughter some day (no, I'm not pregnant, but I am hopeful for the future) - Natalie Catherine. That or Natalie Elizabeth...haven't decided yet. :) But I guess we have some time. We hope to have a boy and a girl - whether that comes in the form of twins :) or separately - Nathaniel Caleb and Natalie ______. Our little "nats." :)

Here we go...

2009-02-23T12:12:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I'm finally getting started on this thing. It's been about a year and a half coming - something that a friend encouraged me to do to get past my issues with writing and to have an outlet to share what I'm learning, feeling, etc. (I'm sure my husband might benefit from the break!)

So, if I accomplish nothing else, I hope that this blog is real - raw - transparent, vulnerable, I'm sure sometimes awkward at times, because come on - life is sometimes...and really, just from the real me (whoever that is and whoever I discover that to be).

So, this will be a journey, and hopefully I'll get to meet some people and get to read some pretty cool blogs on the way!

More later -